Video Game Flaws: Dark Souls 1 & 2 (Live Action Parody)
Articles
100


Here, use this. Thanks… Do Something… You gonna do something? As soon as you do I’m gonna parry your ass… Nevermind… Nevermind… I gotta get this, I gotta get this. I gotta learn this game. Yes! It never works! Really? Hello Who the hell are you?! I’m… OLD I see that… It looks like… you could use a little off your face. I can help you with that. Hold still… Holdddd still… Just let me know when it’s unbearable… Oh no no no no no no, I’m good, I’m good. My mother said that I look fine just the way
I am. And She also said to stay away from old people
with sharp objects. I have a gift for you… This will be your Effigy. Use it wisely… Take it. TAKE IT!!! Okay…Whatever you say, ya old lady… I’ll just put this in my bag… Have some chamomile tea! I’m just brewing some… Anyway, thank you! I gotta get goin, so um…have
fun knitting. Okay, well, have fun. I’m gonna go… Don’t forget to bring a helmet! Thank god thats over with… Oh, look at the cute little piggie! Wow! This views amazing! It almost looks real! Another one… Damn it! Okay! Just gotta drink an Estus… Okay, NO! I only want one!!! Damn… AHHHHH! Come on! OHHHHHHHHHH Curses… Love em! Love Curses! Half my health! Ya know what? FUCK that way! I made it! Can’t believe I got away from them… What the heck is that thing? Did it work? Nope. Ah! I am so glad you showed up when you did. Hey not a problem man, looked like you were
kinda getting raped by that little skeleton thingie there… I was! I was trying to get your fucking thing to work… …and I finally did. And here you are, and you look EXACTLY like my cousin. You know what, I think it’s because I AM your cousin… That could be it. Anyway, I was wondering… What am I doing?! What am I supposed to do? How the hell am I supposed to know what youre doing?! I don’t have a map, do you have a map? That’s bullshit. You don’t even have a piece
of parchment we could put something down on with charcoal? Nothin?! There’s that way! There’s that way. There’s that way! And There’s that way. Tips?? Well I guess I could help you out with a few
things… Wait! Wait! Let me grab a… NUMBER 1 You CANT swim. Don’t even think about it,
you’ll die right away. Number 2! Don’t even try to move while you’re firing a bow. You’ll just start all over again. Got it. NUMBER 3 Never back too far away from your target… You will turn around and get raped in the ass. No! Won’t do that then! And last but not least, I will teach you the
proper way to jump, okay? So what you’re gonna wanna do is go back as far as you can… Get a running start As far as you can! Look down! Look Up! Look Straight! All simultaneously, you see? Only THEN can you proceed to lift your right leg, your left arm… …and put your right arm behind your back like you’re being arrested. THAT is how you properly jump! So let me try and show you here real quick. So I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it real quick for you okay? Okay. So you run real fast… Those are your effigy! You only get so many of those! You have a set number of those things! You can only summon me because you have those. You can’t get any help if you don’t have those things anymore. You’re shit out of luck if you don’t have those. Yep! Well, looks like you’re gonna get real far… Just remember EVERYTHING I told you. Except for the jumping, just don’t do that,
okay? I’ve learned a lot today. I wrote it, I’ll never forget it… …On my sweaty hand, and it’s gone…Okay… Get out of the way!!! You’re like a football player or something! I can’t even push you You’re so strong! Get away from me! Just FUCKING move!!! Ohhhh How do I do this??? Give me more information! Okay, I got it. Go that way… Die Go this way… Live. There’s no way that happened! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! Ah…Fuck! Nope, no, no…No, that didn’t happen. I’m not losing all those souls. How’d you even get up there, I wasn’t even on that cliff? I died right there! Well, wait…I have an idea… A little bit closer…I can stab you! Stab my souls… Come on down!! Come on! Damn it! It’s not gonna work… If only I could jump… Wait… I can jump! What the hell was that?! I didn’t even jump that time! Wait! Wait just a second! Just let me get my souls first. Nope, nope, no, not today! I will kick ya! I will kick you right in the face! You ruin EVERYTHING! I hate you! Don’t..breath… Don’t even sneeze on me… I should not… have… wasted all the effigy on my face. What is that? Huh? Huh? Oh god! I HATE mosquitos! Wait! Wait just a second… You’re supposed to be dead! How close do I have to be to stab you, like really, come on. No! You just clearly didn’t hit me! See my armor makes me look fat, but I’m not! I actually do a lot of pilates… I did a lot of pilates until I DIED. I lost a hundred pounds, then DIED, then lost fifty more pounds. So there’s actually no torso here, you didn’t hit anything. Okay… Well your skulls still fat! No! I got this… Maybe someone can help me with this… You! I select you! Now lets see who we get. Loading, loading, loading, loading… Oh good… Hi… You gonna wear that? Is that your armor? Good..You better be a Dex guy, and you better be fucking fast. Okay, so I’m gonna wait for him to do his strong attack… You go around behind him.. I’ll distract him! OR OR ANNOY him to death… What is that for? Equip something else! You don’t start with a dagger! Not again.. The hell’s that?? I can see you! No you cant.. You’re the only box in the game… No I’m not! Just come out of the box, and we can fight! Who are you talking to?! I’m talking to the guy in the BOX.. No box here! Okay, well I’m just gonna have to stab you
then… Please stop it! Okay, why are you taking no damage? Because… There’s nothing here! Well, you can stay in your box and do whatever the hell you wanna do in your box… I’m gonna go do stuff! Now thats what I’m talking about! YEAH! This is awesome! Maybe not… Huh? Oh my god, I just crapped in my armor! Oh no he’s attacking! Oh no I’m gonna die!!! Whew! I almost kicked the bucket on that one.. He was so unpredictable! So fast! I hope the other three aren’t that hard… Hello..? Anybody die in here? Anything to say to me about this area? What about… …this button? I’m gonna push the button! I’m scared… 2…. 1… Oh We’re good! Oh hey! Jesus Christ! Oh What’re you doing here? Well this is a bit awkward, isn’t it? Umm… I’m gonna have to kill you now. I’m sorry about that, but ya know… Shit happens.. cause uh… cause uh… I just found this new armor. And I got a ring, so I can still roll right, thank god! Gotcha! Shit!! You’re a little quicker than I thought you
were. Oh I see what you’re doing…You’re trying
to get around me. I can! I got level 22 trying to get that damn silver knight
spear to work. Oh, level 22… SOO great! Get up bitch! I know you got more in you! Oh no you don’t! Ah FUCK! Last round, Bitch! I win! Oh well… FUCK magic! You shoulda died already… I’m not dead, but I can’t get up… I’M STILL NOT DEAD!

5:35
Spot on if that's for DS1. DS2 however, I usually had to press the button maybe 4-5 times just so my character would start to chug, and even then it only registered once unless it kept pressing the button while they were chugging to chug more.

I ignored the first couple of loading screens out of force of habit. Had to go back when I realized they were part of the jokes.

That's actually how my first playthrough of dark souls 2 went down, I got decent armor and fatrolled like crazy

Почему вместо ударов в спину в игре есть только удары в жопу?

When he says "curses. I love curses. Half my health" I almost died laughing because that's literally why I stopped playing and got on YouTube

Should have come across a two foot (0.6 Meter) tall wall which you can't walk or jump over. Am impenetrable barrier less than waist high.

Hey guys remember me? My channel was originally markjm1990 and I've been subbed to you guys a long time. How's it going?

The difficulty I can handle. But living in a home where everyone asks you to do stuff for them, knowing that darksouls doesn't actually pause sucks

When kept dying and returning to the same bonfire and eventually said "You know what? fuck that way" actually happened to me in DS1. I kept dying at the bonfire that had the ladder that you kick down to. I kept getting fucked over by the enemies on the bridge and firebombs and after my about 10th death I got pissed and said "AHHH. Fuck that way" and turned and climbed the ladder.

13:40 …..oh man!! Just seeing those three things, shit ton of souls, no estus, no health…. AND in Blighttown of all places. I remember EXACTLY how this felt. It really is the most terrifying thing about the game. Should’ve used tour homeward bone, man 😉 haha

This reminds me of the 80s British kids show Knightmare, with the characters imposed on the backgrounds like that.

First and most important TIP:
THERE IS NO PATH TO LIVING, ALL PATHS LEAD TO DEAD!!!!

Second:
Your Worst Enemy Is *GRAVITY*!

Third:
Dont trust messages analazy them then think if you should do what is there. xD

The rest is just crap not worth to mention. xD

100 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HAMLET Act 1, Sc. V  “Oh, my prophetic soul…”
Articles
HAMLET Act 1, Sc. V “Oh, my prophetic soul…”

GHOST (Voice Over) But soft, methinks I scent the morning air. Brief let me be. Sleeping within my orchard, My custom always of the afternoon, Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole, With juice of cursèd hebona in a vial And in the porches of my ears did pour The …

Game In 60 Seconds: Dark Souls III
Articles
100
Game In 60 Seconds: Dark Souls III

Hi, I’m Nick Cage and this is Game in 60 Seconds. Today’s game is Dark Souls 3. Okay, lets ride. The main mission in the game is to claim a ton of souls so you can restart the Age of Fire, I guess. I rolled a sword-wielding BADASS for my …

All Ixion voice lines (cut character from God of War 3)
Articles
5
All Ixion voice lines (cut character from God of War 3)

Thank you kind warrior. I see now that Lord Zeus must have sent you to grant me forgiveness. Praise to Zeus! Glory to Olympus. Bless the Gods! No! What’ve you done? Zeus commanded that I, Ixion, must be punished. I wronged the Lord of Olympus and lusted after his wife …