Tony Robbins:  Beliefs That Hurt Your Relationships ( Tony Robbins Psychology )
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who lost your vision has let's start with something on so okay while you're all voting for this man okay stand up give my hand I was told to be because watch it but do you want to yeah do because it was so well received of a man this is a winning run you got it from the heart passion loft fun-filled dinners at the pool in the garden at the dams intimacy everywhere become a full man walks together I will listen I've got ideas from no idea what that means yeah but you over there I've got understand here but I don't know if I'm gonna get that one be affectionate and attentive and this one makes sure she has nothing to fear ever that's beautiful that's awesome make sure she's cared for and cosseted make enough business she can be cared for and be generous to our families start a fund to help the poor guys from an incident we've just been through started a support group for that the people who I'm talking about take her breath away every day and looks like they're speaking to this woman here is that true and you should stand up to receive what he's shelling please continue show a gratitude every day love her make sure she never wants for drink money security affection take her to Antarctica Platinum program Las Vegas for the business program a new Merck in eighteen months and the house sorted in a few years that's about it well as long as you're up let you share your vision for a relationship see if they have any matching pieces here strangely enough – not as lengthy is my husband's and I'm usually the one who has more words standard actually about astounded how many people be beautiful to astounding the person your life was ladies and gentlemen look we've been together 22 years and I think we have an incredible marriage I think for us it's it's building yes we certainly are facing incredibly large life obstacles when we get home and it's really odd that this course came right now cuz I booked at 14 months ago and things changed in the last week before we arrived quite radically and I think this program has helped us shift the way we going to approach that life-changing event when we get home because it radically is going to change everything and I think for Michael and I to go from level two to a level one in our relationship will actually help us deal with the the issue which has got nothing to do with our relationship by the way how many think that would be true in your life as well that if you had the position one love and passion every day whatever you had a phase you could face it with much more power and grace ai that's beautiful for sure for sure and I think there's many things that this last three days has helped us with and but I think I came hoping someone was gonna you know help us solve the issues and I've realized as I know that we're the only ones that can do that but I think we have the tools that can help us navigate the next stage and maybe do it in a beautiful state in spite of the challenge yeah for sure and I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna do that yet my husband seems to be a little bit further along the journey than I am because he's feeling very inspired and I am incredibly inspired that the obstacles are still there and the reality of it I'm I think I'm more practical than he is and I think the practicality of it makes me more masculine and I shift into that role very easily and and I'm this issue needs Michael to be the man actually showing up it does the one thing that would be really important for all of us is when you find your partner making even the smallest progress you want to reward disproportionately because we are always training each other all the time how to be whether we know it or not leave a quick example my daughter who at the time when she was I think 14 she kind of sprouted into a woman very quickly and I had to show her boyfriend who was 26 when she was 14 how she got a 26 year old boyfriend was beyond me but I had to show my gun collection and to explain to him how things work over there yes and so I got his full attention but what sincerely was really beautiful was I watched my daughter he was a football player in college actually was 23 I'm starting at 27 and he was a football player and he one night didn't come home at the time she'd hoped for and she was scared but the way she showed it was anger and he didn't show up he showed up I think kind of knowing that 45 minutes late or an hour late his practice had gone long for football but he didn't call he was in in the midst of everything didn't call and quite honestly he didn't call but also I could see he didn't want to call because he didn't want to get the upset he figured wait till I got her in person and when she finally got there she unleashed on him and I didn't want interfere so I left it alone and then I watched three days later a very similar act again and I pulled my daughter side and I said you were training him to leave you she said what I said he did what you wanted and when he did what you wanted you punished him he came to be with you but fact he didn't know at the time you wanted and because you felt fearful instead of when he coming saying oh my gosh I missed you and assuming what he did was really important you seemed to assume that he didn't give a about you you've done it out twice in three days I said there won't be six times I guarantee you and even if it is if he just sticks around to try to please you your relationships already over we trained each other and what you want to do is if you have a child and you want to train the child to go to the bathroom on the toilet for the first time and they miss it because they're brand-new at it what do you do just beat the out of that kid no what do you do you reward them for doing things approximately right you got some of the P in and the others all over the wall but that's good you did some of it right that was awesome all right we know what I'm talking about if you didn't if you didn't give reinforcement for approximately good behavior or even slight progress that really wasn't there yet you would never go in the bathroom in a toilet because you have been punished continuously in season and just did something else now for people doing relationships all the time so I've watched multiple times when there's been these beautiful moments the couples have shared and if you watch so I'm like motioning the guy get you out over there it's videos in carriages he's not in the habit of going to her he's not a habit of reinforcing right then and there and you were not in the habit of reinforcing him it's very obvious either right and he just stood up and open his heart put himself in the line did something men don't do he stood in front of 1200 people for 33 countries and said everything he wants for his relationship with you if you look at his face he open to you and everything else but now he's still human even though he's a man men are humans ladies and then that human part of himself he still has the same fear you do and everybody does which is is this gonna be enough will she really feel my love will she really get it in fact when he came to you and it's like well everything is there's nothing wrong with you said you said a lot of very positive things dude I'm not being critical but the whole pragmatic aspect kills any sense of romance or aliveness or polarity now are you masculine in your core or did you become masculine to deal with all the issues of life I'm definitely feminine and and I do know this yes that's all so the next step for you if you're open to it if you're waiting to it's to take that tension that's so geared in your body and I don't know the an incident but I know it's a big incident by watching both of you and I know it's not about your relationship but it's obviously huge instants gotta be dealt with nothing as you said would be more important than the two of you being closer and more in love and more passionate you said it yourself but the time to do that is now that's our favorite word now ladies and gentlemen when in doubt now when you feel like you don't want to do something with your partner just know comfortable now you don't hesitate if you'll train yourself to do that the game will change but for you what's happened is and I understand I feel for you I'm sure he also got stressed and what feminine and so you stepped into your masculine but you had before you met him and we've also had that practiced in the last couple of years Michaels Michaels actually he's had cancer and he came out of it and very serious motorbike accident which took him out of action for more than a year and during that time period I picked up the business and the and the Peconic became a habit I do recognize but and I think Michael does too but the habits are you know it's that way where is the girl in there well show me where she resides good location so feel her for a moment actually physically if you close your eyes and feel her get out of your head I understand why you are I'm not being critical to you in any way what you both shoulders any mints you love each other and I know you're inseparable and I don't want you to be inseparable level two because that's not what you want you both deserve more you've been so devoted to each other you've been such a pillar of strength for him through the cancer and through all that's been there but he's not willing to take on he's willing to take back what you had to take on and my correct her false about that hundred same hundred percent and I I know it because it's not what he said he just said it you look in his eyes the ways look at you he wants you free again and he's going to free you and you're gonna help the way you're gonna help is you're gonna stop hypnotizing yourself Nicky the way you hypnotize yourself us with language we all do it with words when you recite the same things over and over again you feel the same things over and over again you've been reciting and then saying I know better but as long as you recite it it hypnotizes you and you believe it and you live it you also would be afraid to let go of this now you'd be afraid to let go of it because you're in a situation where you've had a deal with so much and there's still more to deal with so part of you says this mask has got to stay here part of he's afraid will he go back they go into his feminine but a decision made from fear is only gonna hurt you and it'll hurt him but he's a big boy I think you're gonna have to decide are you willing to use the f-word faith are you willing in spite of all this because so much is on the line to breathe in your heart and to let the little girl come out and know that he will be there to capture I can tell you I know people pretty well I can tell you right now this man will not drop you this time not in a million years and I don't say that if I have an ounce of concern but what I say doesn't matter you need to feel him because right now the pain and the fear is making you look through the colored glasses of the past and if we try to drive in the future using a rearview mirror we crash and most of us aren't experiencing our partner in life anymore we're experiencing our memories of the past and that will kill any relationship because any relationship that has time is that ups and downs it's had pain and we've all made giant mistakes who has made giant mistakes in the past say aye but the only way we get free is by stopping running the same recording stopping the same movie and do you want to write a new one together and two people that love each other and are committed to each other and are hungry for passion can create it because there's no relationship between problems and happiness you're gonna have huge problems and be very happy especially when you're together an intimate you can have no problems and turn little into giant problems that's not a problem you have so it's time to return if you're willing to so I need to know if Nikki inside I didn't know if she'd be willing to take 30 days and let him take charge and have just a little bit of trust and keep opening even though it's scary you know me you know the truth so ask your heart if I stay tight like this we can predict where things will go if you open even though it's scary you might find out that you don't have to hold on so tight anymore because there's two big arms a giant heart a spirit and soul across from you that worships and loves you we can all feel it who feels it whole room feels it open your eyes and look into those eyes and feel this presence do you do you I have I promise you I felt more of Michael in the last couple of days and I felt in a very long time and and it is overwhelming a little bit and that's hard to trust a little bit yeah I do worry a little bit and I just want to say the one thing I do I do believe that he wants to take the lead and I'm concerned that it won't happen I understand and so what would happen if you were giving your all and then someone said I want to believe but I don't in you know and I'm very quick to criticize and I do understand that and you know and it's not meant as criticism that's actually made more as it's a call and assistance to help him she's calling him saying please prove it to me and the hard part is he just did all that he could for that that she still doesn't believe it then I can see why she doesn't believe it cuz she's scared she's just scared and she has evidence to say it wouldn't work in the past because they've been through so many things where you needed to be masculine and and want the past do you want the future no I want the future then you have to be able to let go of them I know it's harder than I thought it's in my head and I've just got to get it into my heart yes that's it let's do that I need the fastest way to bring it into her to put it touch emotion to us good how we gonna do that I've got to believe it I couldn't believe it I think you say I'll believe it when I see it I do believe in the practical I believe the practical how well is that done for you so far it's done very well actually it has it's done really well look where we are that didn't come from the practical no we've it's done I don't know it's done well it's done very well no it has since I have a plan and my spreadsheet I understand George I understand Charles I understand Fred I understand Corey and I was hoping to speak to the feminine part of you for a moment not the boy Billy the Kid is well developed here there's no hope as long as you keep going back to the pac-man because nothing about a relationship is pragmatic and you're pragmatic you wouldn't get married what about love is pragmatic love is an emotion oh my god it's a good feeling it's a good emotion it's a good mood yeah it's great magic every now and then you could just take that out your wallet use it but about what your age should be have a lot of we haven't tremendous amount of love do you know that that's why I'm no concern about that part my concern is about the passion part yeah that's a pot we duty to welcome no it's not you work on you do it or you don't yeah it won't happen in this place nothing wrong with this place to make you there's nothing wrong at all yeah can I know the pragmatic part of you has been rewarded haha it's given you a sense of control cuz which needs have been driving you let's just look it with a real problem here I hope you all see it say thank you and there's no room for aliveness with certainty is number one because passion is found in the realm of uncertainty and the wall of your life is in direct proportion amount of uncertainty comfortably live with but you're not stepping into any of it so you understand that pragmatically so you'll never get it in this physiology that's the lesson what do you need to value most for the next stage of life to be alive for you not just okay or good for me it was love and connections and love and connection has nothing conservation love and connection has nothing to with pragmatic matters contribution the contribution was always being a big one of mine I really do want to make a difference I want to make a difference in the business that I want to make a difference in the lives of the people who touch their contribution has always been there it's just never been a driving question of driving but you're also moving to the contribution because it's a way for you to know that you're deserving of the love and you already are deserving and you don't have to prove it anymore I know Michael loves me I know he loves me I know he loves you and that's obvious I know you love you yeah this is not about that what's this about she's dead scared of what's gonna happen give me hearing it's bottom so how are you gonna get through to her when we came here well last week when this bombshell hit our lives tell us what it is in a minute or 30 seconds or yeah want to keep it private we lost close to a million dollars everything we have in our hands gone our stupidity so I'm acknowledging that was completely our fault we gave it to an investor and the guy's topped himself and it's a devastating story that's gonna unfold and it will hit the media and it will be bigger than us but for us it is absolutely devastating here we if I can just add one thing yesterday when we were doing the I'm sorry I love you please forgive me exercise I went over to and we were laughing and excedrin and said imagine if this had happened to us after we claim to date with destiny then we'd really be and she looked at me and said you not now so I said on Monday night I thought my heart was going to explode this weight was so bad in over the last few days I can deal with it I'm not I'm not how much longer I know I know I do I do you're sitting meter and you're in your head which I totally understand how many in this room if I'm buddy stolen from you I've lost everything at one point let me sit your hands look around you will never think is so unique is not unique at all no listen to me you are right now about the your life up so bad you have this one chance there is an opening for you remember we talked about the chemistry you're at the opening you've got this opening and your million dollar loss is gonna look like something you celebrate compared to what you experienced you need to wake the up wake them God if you got health if you gotta someone who loves you and who you can love it's horrific it happened but it's done and the more you spend time there the more you're dead inside you're dead this man is willing to pursue and break through with you but you gotta do your part too you're gonna sit here and wallow in this or you gonna find a way to step up and deal with it if you got love you can do it who here has ever been we lost everything but there was love there who's had that experience that's something you can handle as he said this can't be handled this will destroy your life and there's only one person doing it it's you and don't tell me you know it in your head is not doing you a bit of good suffer or not the deal is I'm gonna find a way to live in a beautiful state no matter what they took ten million dollars if we had nothing if we were gonna be putting in jail I'm not Nelson Mandela in jail for twenty sixteen years he didn't whine like you are and he didn't have somebody beside him his wife was trying to kill him you are a blessed little who's lost what happened to your life you got everything ahead of you and all you're doing is focusing on this one thing now I understand but understanding and $1,000,000 still won't make you happy because when the million was here you weren't happy correct me if I'm wrong tell me right now then it has nothing to do with a million dollars as to what you're doing in your head wait ah now or don't and suffer for a lifetime and lose everything you deserve and desire get mayonnaise and John them give them hang so what just happened what did I just say you know what Tony I do I need to I need to I need to let it go I need to let it go I need to let it go let it go Nikki I didn't say it was easy sure you know it's but this is beautiful right now cuz you're actually a pentacle is this beautiful you know what it's I think this is of all the challenges we've had in our adult life and she's so mean we've emigrated twice and look our story's no different to anybody else we from South Africa we left it all behind I just think this is the biggest obstacle we've ever faced not adult life I have a 64 year old husband now me Michael's not 25 you know where do you go from you you know it's you didn't value it when it was here no that's what he's just said he's just say to me mix you know we had it and I'm trying to prevent missing something much more valuable I know something priceless I know I know it's all the stories and I only have the 13 year old daughter we want to be we want to be a an inspiration to her yes so either we call them give her all this opportunity you know no you need a chauffeur is how to live life no matter what happen I know the mama and you wants to just give her everything but the more hundred billion times more valuable experiences to see the two of you come closer have love joy and passion in the midst of it all that gift is priceless priceless problem is you're know so much and that's what's making you feel dead inside so you know also in here you didn't appreciate it fully when it was here so it's gone that's why it's gone I know you know what we spoke about that we actually said maybe that maybe we needed this wake-up call and I I don't know why how to be such a big one you know little smaller would have been good little smaller would have been good this is the small one the big ones coming did you hear me yep that's why I was so intense with you I've lived with him for 22 years let me tell you there's nothing more scary than that and here's what's true none of us know how long we're gonna live all we know is this moment why would we stop this moment this moment is so beautiful this moment of you being able to let go so that you could have a little bit of freedom in your heart in your head but the only way it's gonna come since I know is easy to everything your hypnosis is I know you don't know if you knew you wouldn't continue to say the danger Tony you spoke about Grace and I said there and I was hurting your what I was hurting yes sorry she said two days ago she's known me for I don't know how many years 25 years or something to see me cry twice in my life and it takes a truly masculine man to cry but I want you to feel while he's talking right now this is the really I'm meeting Nikki for the first time right now how many meeting Nikki right now she's good she has a beautiful sense of humor she's full of love there's one no two words we need a banth in your vocabulary for at least one of those two words what can we place those two words with because here's the problem with knowing all the time when you always know you no longer experience life you experienced you are filter for life his wife's happening spontaneously crazy happens things could happen that could change all this in different ways you're not expecting and I know you've been through so much trauma and you've been so strong but God has brought grace to you this doesn't look like it but this is Grace coz I don't know if greater grace then you get to be who you are and not have to hold it all together and to have this man show up for you at the level you probably have always wished he would yeah that's true he knows it's true so in the middle of this if that took a million dollars that you didn't fully appreciate what's in here I know you'd prefer a different lesson but this is life happening for you not to you and when you think it's happening to you that's when you're in suffering now I don't expect you to see all the ways that's happening for you I don't expect anything but I just feel your pain and I don't want you to be in pain if I can do anything and the thing I can do is I can simply get you to see the truth that's in front of you and I know you'll still get scared again but if you can really feel the truth if you can get in your head right now that God has not abandoned you and that your daughter will have a hundred billion better quality of life than if you sent her to the best school in the world and you gave her all that she needed what she needs is to see how to navigate life with grace and she's seen how to do it with intensity and determination you've shown that she's also seen it's the way to do it is through her head and if you do that to her you will have destroyed her lives because she will never have the relationship even you've had with your man and all the frustration and pain you've had with God the universe and your man for all the things you've been through this is the payoff when you let go and you find out on the side that I can be grateful for no matter what and I got to tell you something if you can consistently find that true gratitude and love and return to this passion life does amazing things grace works in amazing ways then when you're no longer I'm so focused on how do I get back to that economic world right when you think that doesn't matter and you no longer hooked by it I can promise you something will happen that will be beautiful something will happen it always does have another finally 56 years but I've dealt with 50 million people in a hundred countries there is not a situation like yours that I haven't either experienced or worked with someone on and I'm here to tell you that if you will return to grace which is faith and love something more beautiful than what you think you lost is here but if you continue to stay in that head Nikki then you'd be in a position where you're gonna have a much bigger loss you say you want a smaller lesson you didn't get the smaller lessons along the way that's why you got the bigger lesson and if you don't get this when you get a much bigger lesson that I'm last person on earth want to see you go through and this man won't let it happen you helped her with this one yet by this presents and I have to I have to say Michael the man I see here who is vulnerable and strong but masculine is not non vulnerable that's a phony that's somebody's fake or that someone doesn't care he has what you want he has masculine and the feminine in him if he has only been masculine the traditional mask on you and me hello trust this man you picked a good man and you found the right Road son this is the stage of life did you deserve them that is a well-oiled phrase isn't it we need to find the replacement words what is the replacement for I know thank God daughter's name is faith for a reason what's the reason I guess if you have a kid when you're 50 plus you've got to have a lot of faith you don't just now we named her that because we thought we needed to deter you did actually we needed to believe believe in the reason we had her belief yes so if this was the only moment you two had left would you want it to be focused on this big money what would you be want to tell him or feel of that experience for him I'm asking what would it be if these are your last moments together well I'd want him to know how much I loved him yeah well he knows that that's another version of I know he knows must I tell him what's that massive artillery you must not do anything I'm tired of you having any mosque I don't want to give you anymore must you have too many months I want you make choices I want you to make choices that you want that are coming from your heart instead of your head well I know you scared and I do believe in you and I do I'm no use good okay okay no no I don't know how to get out of my vocabulary I don't it's real simple but you have put your finger in your nose every time you see everything I am ready to let it go I'm ready to let it go you just need to help me do it that's we unfortunately were ready about a week or so ago when they when it went that's the unfortunate part now we got to just accept it's not smooth forward and I do love you desperately in the early these two just gave us one of the most beautiful demonstrations we could ever have of what the masculine and the feminine can do and the polarity is gone what did he do he did what any great mask energy do he never can gave up and he won't he kept coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and coming and he embraced her he pulled her inter he reassured her continuously he showed her that the extra stimulus it was possibly she thought would hurt her he wouldn't let it happen he came immediately that was by design but I couldn't get him to do it he had to make that choice and he did it immediately now how perfect is that and he had both the presence and gentleman you keep hearing this word presence and if you ask a woman it is they can't usually tell you they just tell you don't have it is it true ladies so I can tell you what it really is and he demonstrated so beautifully it's caring and connection simultaneously my wife would say you're not present I used to get so pissed cuz I cared so much we've talked about I'm not present I'm so right here I'm caring but everybody listen every word you're saying for some reason that didn't make her feel my presence I was caring but I was not connected or other times I be connected but I really didn't understand when you combine those two you have something really powerful and he's demonstrated he demonstrated with compassion he brought caring that compassion and he brought absolute presence for the Stanford he stayed connected to her even when she was rejecting him it wasn't our intent to reject him she's just have scared so she tested and tested and tested and tested and tested and tested and most men would give up most of them will go there's nothing will ever work of this woman but his soul has been pierced so much by her and he has grown as a man and quite frankly if it cost a million dollars for him to come you can man that was a cheap comprised to pay cuz you'll have this man soul for the rest of your life not like you've had in the past the masculine part of it there to take care of you would you trade the money for that for sure I know that you have it give a hand give a hand ladies and gentlemen so what did you think now you might get why director Joe Berlin juror said that his goal in making a documentary was to share a profound experience that he himself underwent because while this event itself might not be for everyone the hope is that as you witness the journey that others undertake and the principles that guide their transformation you'll think about how some of these principles might apply to your own situation and take the right actions to change it for the better for more of these types of stories go to Netflix hit the play button on Tony Robbins I am NOT your guru available on July 15th and to learn more about Tony Robbins and date with destiny visit www.solarwinds.com is our executive producer tether Culbertson is our associate producer jamie carvajal and Adriel dilatory our digital editors special thanks to Diane Adcock and Mary buchheit for their creative review copyright Robins Research International

When you are the best A lots of things come to your life ,bad,good,spy how to respond and stay out of trouble. Need to be strong stand for what you want not blow by the wind .

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