Rock Church – Michael Jr. – Your Gift
Articles
47


HOW ARE YOU DOING, ROCK
FAMILY. IT SEEMS SO LONG SINCE I’VE BEEN
THERE, AND I CAN’T WAIT TO GET BACK. I HOPE YOU’RE STILL PRAYING FOR
ME, I’M PRAYING FOR YOU. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THE
GUY WHO IS GOING TO SPEAK TO YOU TODAY NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. HE’S MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER
MOTHER. HE’S HILARIOUS. HE MAKES ME LAUGH JUST LOOKING
AT HIM BECAUSE HE’S A FUNNY LOOKING DUDE. AND HE’S OUR BROTHER. HE’S VERY EXCITED. HE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME, CAN I
HAVE THE WHOLE SERMON. WE WENT BACK AND FORTH. I SAID, OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE THE
WHOLE SERVICE, BUT IF YOU MESS UP WE HAVE PEOPLE WHO WILL KILL
YOU. I’M SO EXCITED. MICHAEL WILL BE A BLESSING TO
YOU. I WANT YOU TO GIVE A MARVELOUS INTRODUCTION TO OUR
BROTHER, MICHAEL JR. SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE, SIT DOWN. MILES IS ON SABBATICAL OR LOCKED
UP. THAT BROTHER IS IN PRISON
SOMEWHERE, WORKING THINGS OUT. HE HAS A PAGER ON HIS ANKLE AND
HE CAN’T LEAVE THE CHURCH. YOU GUYS ARE IN FABULOUS HANDS
WITH MILES. HE’S GOING TO COME BACK WITH
SOME STUFF. LIKE RECHARGED WON’T EVEN
DESCRIBE WHAT HE’S ABOUT TO DO. I’M EXCITED TO BE HERE BECAUSE
MILES, NORMALLY WHEN WE DO STUFF TOGETHER ON STAGE I ONLY GET
LITTLE PIECES. NOW I GET THE PIECES TOGETHER
BECAUSE I DON’T GOT HIM INTERRUPTING. SO I’M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED TO
BE AT THE ROCK. PEOPLE GET HERE A LATE AND
STUFF. SURE PEOPLE COMING IN NORTH
COUNTY, PEOPLE ONLINE ON TIME IN YOUR PAJAMAS. SO TO HAVE SOME FUN, WE’LL TALK
ABOUT ME AND WHAT I DO AND WE’LL HAVE FUN AND SCRIPTURES WILL POP
UP. THE ROCK HAS THEIR BIBLES. THAT’S HOW ALL Y’ALL ROLL. I’M GOING TO WAIT, AND WHEN
MILES COME BACK Y’ALL CAN BLOW THAT UP. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO MESS WITH
IT. I KNOW I GO BERSERK WHEN HE
HOLDS THE BIBLE UP, YEAH, YEAH. IT’S AMAZING TO ME. I’VE BEEN PERFORMING ALL OVER. I’VE BEEN ON ALL THE LATE NIGHT
TV SHOWS EXCEPT FOR LETTERMAN. WHATEVER, LETTERMAN. I’VE BEEN PERFORMING IN VEGAS
AND CASINOS AND I PERFORM AT CHURCHES, AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW. BUT IT’S THE SAME SHOW WHEREVER
I GO BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME GUY WHEREVER I AM. IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S TWO DIFFERENT
SHOWS. IT’S JUST ME UP ON STAGE JUST
REALLY TALKING ABOUT WHATEVER IS GOING ON. SO THE AMAZING THING FOR ME IS
LAUGHING AT CHURCH. WHEN I WAS A KID, IT WAS
ILLEGAL. NOBODY BE LAUGHING AT CHURCH. ONE TIME WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS
OLD WE WERE LAUGHING AT CHURCH. THIS LADY WAS JUMPING UP AND
DOWN AND HER WIG FELL OFF. THAT WAS HYSTERICAL. I WOULD LAUGH, AND MY
GRANDMOTHER WOULD PINCH AND TWIST. I UNDERSTAND THE PINCH. BUT THE TWIST, THAT’S THE DEVIL. I DIDN’T SAY THAT OUT LOUD, BUT
THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING. NOBODY WAS TEACHING AT THIS
CHURCH. THIS DUDE WAS UP ON STAGE AND
YELLING. WHAT MILES DOES, HE TEACHES THE
WORD OF GOD SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND IT. THIS DUDE WAS NOT TEACHING. HE WAS SCREAMING AND YELLING AT
EVERYBODY. I THINK HE WAS MAD BECAUSE HE
HAD PHLEGM CAUGHT IN HIS THROAT. HE WOULD SAY THE LORD
SAID–CCHHHH. THAT STUFF WAS MISERABLE. CHURCH WOULD LAST SIX HOURS. HE WOULD GO DOWN IN THE BASEMENT
AND COME BACK UP. WHAT WAS THAT, HALFTIME OR
SOMETHING? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HALFTIME
WAS UNTIL I WAS 23 YEARS OLD, MAN, BECAUSE FOOTBALL WAS ON
SUNDAY, AND CHURCH WAS ON SUNDAY THROUGH MONDAY. THAT STUFF WAS MISERABLE. NOBODY WAS TEACHING. DUDE HAD A BIBLE IN HIS HAND,
AND HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO THROW IT AT SOMEBODY. EVERYBODY WAS SCARED SAYING HEY
MAN, HEY MAN, IT TOOK ME AWHILE BEFORE I REALIZED THEY WERE
SAYING AMEN. I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS SEVEN YEARS
OLD. ONE TIME I WENT TO CHURCH AND
THERE WAS A BODY UP IN FRONT. SOMEBODY EXPLAINED IT WAS A
FUNERAL, NOT CHURCH. I THOUGHT THAT’S HOW THEY ROLL. EVERY THREE WEEKS THEY BRING A
BODY IN, AS AN EXAMPLE. I ASKED MY GRAND MA, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE MAN IN THE BOX. HER WHOLE EXPLANATION WAS HE IN
A BETTER PLACE. I’M LIKE, WHAT KIND OF BOX DID
HE LIVE IN BEFORE? THAT STUFF DIDN’T MAKE ANY
SENSE, MAN. SCREAMING, YELLING, GROWING UP
WE WERE POOR. WE WEREN’T POOR, WE WERE POO’. WE WERE TOO POOR FOR ALL THE
MONIES. WHEN I WAS 14 YEARS OLD MY
GRANDMA DIDN’T FORCE ME TO GO TO CHURCH. SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO. I THOUGHT A FEW MINUTES, AND
SAID NO. MY CLOTHES DIDN’T FIT AND MY
SHOES WERE AT LEAST TWO SIZES TOO SMALL. MY GRANDMA WOULD GET A SHOEHORN,
IF THE SHOE DON’T FIT, THE SHOEHORN–SNAP. I WOULD BE SITTING IN CHURCH AND
MY FEET WERE ALL BALLED UP. PRAY FOR ME TO TAKE THESE SHOES
OFF. WE PRAY FOR MORE FINANCES TO GET
NEW SHOES. IT WAS SO COOL. WE WERE DOING SIGN LANGUAGES. MICHAEL JR. IS SO ATTRACTIVE. THAT IS SO COOL. HE’S REALLY CUTE. THAT IS SO POWERFUL. SO I’M 14 YEARS OLD AND MY
GRANDMOTHER ASKED ME, NO, I’M NOT GOING TO CHURCH. THEN ME AND MY FRIEND, WE MADE A
PACT THAT WE WEREN’T GOING TO CURSE ANY MORE. IF HE HEARD ME CURSE HE COULD
HIT ME IN THE CHEST AS HARD AS HE WANTED TO, AND VICE VERSA. DUDE CAN HIT HARD. I STOPPED CURSING IMMEDIATELY. DO YOU REMEMBER THE GAME SLUG
BUG. YOU SEE A VOLKSWAGEN BUG AND YOU
GET TO HIT YOUR FRIEND JUST BECAUSE YOU SAW IT FIRST? IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD THEY TOOK IT
A LITTLE TOO FAR. AND WE ALSO PLAYED UPPERCUT FIRE
TRUCK. AND MINIVAN BODY SLAM, EVER PLAY
THAT ONE. THERE IS ALWAYS ONE CRAZY DUDE
IN OUR GROUP WHO WOULD MAKE UP CRAZY GAMES. MY NEIGHBORHOOD WAS KIND OF
ROUGH, LIKE IT WAS ROUGH LIKE IF YOU WANTED A PIZZA DELIVERED,
LIKE THE POLICE HAD TO BRING IT, YEAH. I THINK THE POLICE WAS CALLED
PO PO JOHNS. THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE PLACE. WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE Y’ALL
DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PO, PO IS. EAST COUNTY, YOU KNOW WHAT THE
PO PO IS. NORTH COUNTY, I HAVE NO IDEA,
ACTUALLY. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. THIS IS AWESOME. SO WE DECIDED WE WEREN’T GOING
TO CURSE NO MORE. WE WOULD HEAR A SONG AND OLD
McDONALD HAD A FARM. IT’S THE McDONALD FAMILY LIVED
IN THE HOOD. ♪ THE McDONALD FAMILY
♪ LIVED IN THE HOOD ♪ EIEIO
♪ WITH A ♪ IF YOU WANT ME BUST YOU UP
♪ EIEIO ♪♪ WHEN I WAS YOUNGER MY READING
WAS MUCH LOWER. I CAN READ NOW. LIKE THE SIGN OVER THE DOOR, IT
SAYS “X-ITE” SOME WOMAN IS PRAYING FOR ME NOW, LORD, HE
DOESN’T KNOW HE STILL CAN’T READ. BUT IN JUNIOR HIGH, I HAD TO
FIGURE IT OUT. WHAT I WOULD DO IS MY MIND WOULD
SCRAMBLE WHAT THE WORD WAS. I COULDN’T JUST SOUND IT OUT. IT DIDN’T WORK FOR ME THAT WAY. I WOULD LIKE AT THE WORD SEVEN
DIFFERENT WAYS, WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF IT, MIND IT, HOW PEOPLE
RESPONDED TO IT, I WOULD JUST DO WHAT EVER IT TOOK. I WAS THE DUDE IN CLASS WHO
WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. BUT PEOPLE WERE WEAK. THEY WOULD SAY, YOU GOT BIG
FEET. I WOULD SAY, OH, YEAH, YOU’RE SO
DARK SKINNED IF YOU WERE RIDING A BIKE YOU WOULD BE PULLED OVER
FOR HAVING DARK WINDOWS. I HAD SKILLS. THAT’S FUNNY TO ME. I WAS REALLY GOOD WITH ALL THAT
STUFF, BUT READING WAS A PROBLEM. I’M WORKING ON WORDS, AND I
CAN’T FIGURE THEM OUT. THEN I GOT REALLY FAST LOOKING
AT WORDS SEVEN DIFFERENT WAYS. HIGH SCHOOL, THEY DIDN’T EVEN
KNOW THAT I WASN’T REALLY READING. I WAS JUST WORKING IT OUT. I CAN READ NOW, BUT I STILL HAVE
THE ABILITY TO LOOKING AT THINGS SEVEN DIFFERENT WAYS. AS A CHILD I HAD LOW
SELF-ESTEEM. I THOUGHT I HAD BEEN DEALT A BAD
HAPPENED BUT THAT WAS THE DEVIL TALKING. BUT NOW I CAN DO WHAT I DO NOW
BECAUSE THAT’S THE PRIMARY PLACE WHERE I PULL MY COMEDY FROM. YOU LOOK AT ONE OR TWO AND I
HAVE SEVEN POSSIBILITIES ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. SO I’VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR WHAT
I DO NOW. NOWADAYS I GET THESE–BECAUSE OF
THAT I’LL GET RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT POP UP. A LOT OF TIMES THEY’RE REALLY
FUNNY, THOUGHT PROVOKING OR JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS. I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE WITH YOU
MY RANDOM THOUGHTS BUT I’M GOING TO SHARE ANOTHER SKILL THAT I
HAVE. MILES IS FAMILIAR WITH THIS
TALENT, MAYBE, BUT I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU ANOTHER TALENT THAT I
HAVE TO PLAY KEYBOARD. YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW, DID YOU. SO THESE ARE MICHAEL JR.’S
RANDOM THOUGHTS. WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO WITH
THESE THOUGHTS IS IF YOU HEAR A THOUGHT AND YOU ENJOY IT AND YOU
LAUGH, ENJOY IT. IF YOU DON’T ENJOY A THOUGHT
MOVE ON OR YOU’LL MISS THE NEXT THOUGHT. I’M GOING TO PLAY THEM NOW. THESE ARE MICHAEL JR. AS RANDOM
THOUGHTS. [MUSIC] YOU DIDN’T KNOW.
YOU DIDN’T KNOW. THAT’S OKAY. THESE ARE RANDOM THOUGHTS. JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT COME
TO ME. ♪ WHY ARE STAY AT HOME MOMS
♪ ALWAYS GONE? ♪ IF A WOMAN GETS PREGNANT
♪ IN VEGAS, DOES THE BABY ♪ HAVE TO STAY THERE? ♪ SOMEONE WAITING ON THE SIGN
LANGUAGE ON THAT ONE. ♪ THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING
♪ IS IT CONSIDERED NATURAL CHILDBIRTH IF
♪ THE BABY COMES OUT ♪ WITH AN AFRO
♪ I NOTICED THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO ♪ CARE ABOUT THE
♪ OUTER CITY YOUTH ♪ TAKE YOUR TIME. ♪ IT’S OKAY. ♪ IT’S OKAY. ♪ IS THE WORD TOFU
♪ SHORT FOR DRIED TOFUIA. ♪ WHEN IT COMES TO SHARKS
♪ WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT THE ♪ WHITE ONES? ♪ SHOULD DAVE RAMSEY’S
♪ WEBSITE TAKE CREDIT CARDS ♪ OKAY, COOL
♪ I MET A WOMAN ONCE WHO HAD ♪ ONE CALLOUS ON HER
♪ FOOT DOES THAT MAKE HER ♪ AN UNICORN? ♪ WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN
♪ AN ATHEIST SNEEZES? ♪ YO, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE
♪ MAN. ♪ DO VEGETARIANS REALLY LOVE
♪ ANIMALS AS MUCH AS I DO ♪ IF GOD DIDN’T WANT US
♪ TO EAT ANIMALS ♪ WHY DID HE MAKE THEM
♪ OUT OF MEAT? ♪ WHERE IS ABBREVIATION
♪ SUCH A LONG WORD? ♪ WHY ARE THERE NO MIRRORS
♪ IN THE SELF CHECK OUT? ♪ I’VE NOTICED THAT
♪ NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ♪ ABOUT THE OUTER CITY YOUTH
♪ I THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE YOU ♪ ANOTHER CHANCE AT THAT ONE
♪ YOU KNOW THEY SAY ♪ 85% OF PEOPLE
♪ ADMIT THEY’RE NOT GOOD AT ♪ MATH. ♪ THERE ARE PEOPLE SITTING HERE
♪ WHO ARE SAYING, WOW ♪ I’M GLAD I’M PART
♪ OF THE OTHER 22% ♪ DID OLD McDONALD GO
♪ BANKRUPT? ♪ WHY IS THE SONG IN
♪ THE PAST TENSE? ♪ ARE YOU SINGING IT IN
♪ YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW? ♪ AND FINALLY IF GOD
♪ CLAPPED HIS HANDS ♪ WOULD THAT MAKE
♪ A BIG BANG? ♪ JUST A THEORY. ♪ THANK YOU VERY MUCH
♪ THOSE ARE MICHAEL JR.’S ♪ RANDOM, RANDOM
♪ THOUGHTS ♪♪ WHAT, WHAT, I DO JOKES. CALM YOURSELF DOWN, OKAY? SO WE’RE JUST LAUGHING THE LAST
TWO MINUTES WITH RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT COME TO ME BECAUSE OF THE
WAY MY MIND WORKS, BUT I CAN’T GET THERE–THE ONLY REASON WHY I
CAN COME UP WITH THIS DIFFERENT WAY OF THINKING OF THINGS
BECAUSE I WAS PRACTICING IN WHAT LOOKED LIKE TO BE A HANDICAP OR
WHAT GOD DEALT WITH ME, BUT HE WAS PREPARING ME FOR WHAT I’M
DOING IN THIS ROOM. ALL THAT GOD IS DOING, HE’LL USE
IT. HE DIDN’T CAUSE IT, BUT HE’LL
USE IT TO PREPARE YOU FOR WHAT HE HAS FOR YOU. I’M 26 YEARS OLD, I’M OLDER THAN
NEW YORK CITY. I WENT FROM YOU 7, 14, 26. I’M IN NEW YORK CITY, AND I
WANTED TO GET MY COMEDY CAREER GOING. IN NEW YORK IF THEY DON’T LIKE
YOUR COMEDY THE WAY THEY LET YOU KNOW IS THEY SAY SOMETHING LIKE,
WE DON’T LIKE YOUR COMEDY. SO I’M IN NEW YORK CITY, AND
THERE IS A CLUB IN NEW YORK WHICH IS A REALLY HARD CLUB TO
GET INTO. WHAT THEY DO FOR A NEW COMEDIAN
IN TOWN, THEM OPEN MIC AT 7:00 P.M. COMEDIANS START LINING UP AT
6:00 A.M. IT’S MY TURN TO PERFORM, AND
THIS COMEDIAN NAMED GEORGE WALLACE WALKS IN. I LOVE GEORGE WALLACE, BUT IF
SOMEONE LIKE THAT WALKS IN, WHOEVER IS NEXT GETS BUMPED. THE MANAGER COMES OVER TO ME AND
I KNOW WHAT HE’S GOING TO SAY. HE’S ABOUT TO BUMP ME. THIS IS WHERE GOD SHOWED UP FOR
THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. HE WALKS OVER TO ME AND HE SAYS,
MICHAEL, LISTEN, GEORGE WALLACE IS HERE. DO YOU WANT TO GO ON BEFORE HIM
OR AFTER HIM. I WAS LIKE, UM, LET ME GO ON
BEFORE HIM. I GO UP STAGE AND DO MY SHOW. I GOT NEW YORKERS LAUGHING. THEN GEORGE WALLACE COMES IN,
AND HE’S LAUGHING, TOO. I THOUGHT, OH SNAP, THIS IS SO
COOL. IT DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE. I’M DONE. I GET OFF STAGE. THERE ARE A BUNCH OF COMEDIANS
AROUND HIM. HE LEAVES THEM AND COMES OVER TO
ME. HE SAID, YOU’RE REALLY FUNNY. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. WHY DON’T YOU CURSE. I SAID, I DON’T KNOW, WHAT IF MY
GRANDMOTHER WALKS IN. MY GRANDMOTHER LIVES IN
MICHIGAN. SHE DOESN’T LIVE IN NEW YORK. WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY? I’M A GROWN MAN. HE MIGHT HIT ME IN THE CHEST. GOD WAS SETTING ME UP TO DO ALL
ALONG BEFORE I EVEN KNEW IT HE WAS SETTING ME UP. IMAGINE IF I STARTED DOING
COMEDY DIRTY AND THEN TRIED TO CLEAN IT UP. ANY WAYS. HE SAYS TO ME, YOU’RE REALLY
FUNNY. I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO A SHOW IT
WITH ME AND MY FRIEND IN A COUPLE OF NIGHTS. I’M PUMPED. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO HIS FRIEND
IS. IT’S ME, GEORGE WALLACE AND
JERRY SEINFELD. I WALK IN AND DO THE SHOW. I’M TRIPPING THAT IT’S THE THREE
OF US. I OPEN UP THE SHOW. I GET TWO STANDING OVATIONS. I’M THE MAN, YEAH. AFTERWARDS MY MANAGER WALKS UP
TO ME AND SAYS, MICHAEL, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME ON
SUNDAY? CHURCH? WHY ARE YOU MESSING THIS UP
RIGHT NOW? I JUST GOT TWO STANDING
OVATIONS. I’M NOT GOING TO CHURCH. I DON’T KNOW WHY YOUR VOICE GETS
HIGHER WHEN YOU’RE UPSET WITH PEOPLE. I’M NOT GOING TO NO CHURCH. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT AT
THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. NOT ONLY DO I NOT CURSE, BUT I
DON’T JOKE, I’M NOT DRINKING. I DON’T HEAR ABOUT ANY OF THE
STUFF THAT I HEAR ON TELEVISION. I TURN THROUGH THE CHANNELS, I
ALMOST DIED, I FOUND JESUS. I DON’T DO DRUGS, NONE OF THAT
STUFF APPLIES TO ME. I’M COOL. THEN IT WAS BEYONCE 20 MINUTES
LATER ASKING ME IF I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH. SHE WAS FINE. SHE HAD SOME SORT OF ACCENT SHE
SAID, MICHAEL JR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO CHURCH WITH US? I SAID, I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A
CHURCH THE OTHER DAY, SHOOT. I NEED TO FIND A CHURCH. SO I GO TO THIS CHURCH FOR THE
WRONG REASON. I CAN’T EVEN FIND THESE PEOPLE. I JUST SHOW UP AT THIS CHURCH. CHRISTIAN CULTURE CENTER
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK. THIS CHURCH HAS 5,000 PEOPLE IN
IT, AND THIS DUDE IS UP ON THE STAGE TALKING ABOUT JESUS. HE AIN’T SCREAMING, HE AIN’T
YELLING, HE AIN’T GOT NO PERP. JUST LIKE MILES, HE’S SMOOTH, I
DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE PERM PART. BUT HE’S TALKING ABOUT JESUS IN
A WAY THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND. THEN DID HE AN ALTAR CALL. HE SAID ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART, CONFESS WITH YOUR MOUTH. I WANTED TO GO. I THOUGHT, THERE MIGHT BE A
CATCH. I BETTER READ THE PAMPHLET
FIRST. THERE ARE SOME CREEPY CHRISTIANS
OUT THERE. IF YOU DON’T KNOW ANY CREEPY
CHRISTIANS, YOU ARE A CREEPY CHRISTIAN, I GOT TO LET YOU
KNOW. IF YOU DON’T KNOW NONE, SORRY,
EAST COUNTY, THERE IS ONE SITTING NEXT TO YOU, PROBABLY. I HAD TO PRAYED THE PAMPHLET. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A BIBLE. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS THAT
BIG, FIRST OF ALL. I’M OUT AT O’HARE AIRPORT, AND A
LADY I DON’T EVEN KNOW HANDS ME A BIBLE. I START READING THE BIBLE. I’M DIGGING IN, READING,
READING, I WAS PUTTING IN 14 HOURS A DAY READING THE BIBLE. I WANTED TO GO TO THE ALTAR, BUT
I TOLD MYSELF I HAD TO READ THE BIBLE FIRST. ALL I’M DOING IS READING THE
BIBLE, DOING COMEDY AND EATING. THAT’S ALL I’M DOING. I’M DIGGING INTO THE WORD OF
GOD. 14 HOURS A DAY. THAT’S LIKE EIGHT PAGES A DAY. I’M JUST DIGGING IN. ANY WAYS. SO I’M READING THE BIBLE AND I
GET TO THE POINT IN MATTHEW WHERE IT SAYS THAT JESUS DIED
FOR ME. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW JESUS DIED
FOR ME UNTIL I WAS 18 YEARS OLD. ALL I SAW WAS A PASTOR SCREAMING
AND YELLING. NO ONE WAS TEACHING. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND. NO ONE WAS TEACHING IT IN A WAY
THAT I COULD RECEIVE IT AND UNDERSTAND IT. I READ IN MATTHEW THAT HE DIED. THEN I GET TO MARK, AND HE DIED
AGAIN. LUKE AND JOHN, WHY DO YOU KEEP
KILLING HIM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I KEEP READING THE BIBLE AND I
GET TO THE PART OF REVELATIONS, AND I GET SCARED AND READING
FAST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT AND STUFF. READING THE BIBLE IS LIKE PAYING
BILLS. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION
TO EVERYTHING, BUT WHEN YOU SEE SOME RED INK YOU BETTER DO
SOMETHING, RIGHT? LIGHTS GET CUT OFF, I DON’T KNOW
WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. I FINISH READING THE BIBLE, AND
I GO UP TO THE ALTAR AT CHURCH. I DIDN’T WAIT UNTIL THE END. YO, IS JESUS HERE RIGHT NOW? YOU SAID HE’S EVERYWHERE. NOW I UNDERSTAND STUFF. YOU THINK I’M JUST FUNNY, BUT
NO, GOD HAS A REASON. HE WAS PREPARING IT ALL ALONG. HE WAS GETTING THIS THING RIGHT
ALL ALONG. GOD IS LIKE A NAVIGATIONAL
DEVICE IN YOUR CAR. EXPLAIN GOD TO ME. I CAN’T. IF I COULD EXPLAIN GOD HE
WOULDN’T BE GOD. GOD IS SIMILAR TO A NAVIGATIONAL
DEVICE IN YOUR CAR. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A CAR WITH
A NAVIGATIONAL DEVICE? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THIS A CAR
BEFORE? YOU PUNCH IN THE COORDINATES AND
IT TELLS YOU GO TEN BLOCKS AND GO LEFT. IF YOU GO TEN BLOCKS AND GO
RIGHT IT DOESN’T LEAVE YOU IT RECALCULATES TO GET YOU WHERE
YOU NEED TO BE FROM WHERE YOU ARE. IF WE KEEP MAKING THE WRONG
DECISIONS YOUR ROAD MAY BE ROUGHER AND YOU MAY NOT BE ON
TIME. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE VOICE. THE VOICE HAS A NAME. IT’S CLEARLY GOD. IT’S CLEARLY JESUS, THE HOLY
SPIRIT TRYING TO TALK TO YOU. THE ANOTHER NAME GOD HAS–I’LL
SHARE THIS WITH YOU, GOD SHARED THIS WITH ME, I’LL SHARE IT WITH
THE REST OF THE WORLD. THE OTHER NAME GOD HAS IS
SOMETHING. LET ME PROVE IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE
THE PHARISEES LEAVE THE ROOM. WE ALL HAVE CHOICES IN LIFE. WE CAN DO A, THE THINGS WE NEED
TO DO, AND B, THE THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE FUN. SOMETIMES WE CHOOSE B. SOMETIMES THE FIRST THINGS THAT
COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH THE
CONSEQUENCES, MAN, SOMETHING TOLD ME NOT TO DO THIS. THAT SOMETHING IS CLEARLY GOD. TRYING TO TALK TO YOU. SO I’M DOING A SHOW. THERE IS A CLUB IN LOS ANGELES,
IT’S A HARD CLUB TO GET IN TO. GEORGE WALLACE KNOWS I’M IN
LOS ANGELES. HE TAKES ME TO THE CLUB. I’M NEW IN TOWN AND HE TAKES ME. IN THE GREEN ROOM ARE SOLDIERS
OF COMEDY WORKING ON A JOKE FOR JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUE FOR THE
FOLLOWING WEEK. I AIN’T SAYING NOTHING. I’M JUST HAPPY TO BE IN THE
ROOM. BUT YOUR GIFT WILL MAKE ROOM FOR
PUP A FOOTBALL PLAYER GOT HIT IN THE EYE WITH A FLAG. AND HE’S SUING THE LEAGUE FOR
$400 MILLION BECAUSE HE LOST VISION IN ONE EYE. NOW THEY’RE ALL WORKING ON A
JOKE TO HELP JAY LENO OUT. I AIN’T SAYING NOTHING. THEN IT GOT QUIET AND THEY LOOK
AT ME. I’M LIKE, OH, SNAP, THIS IS AN
OPPORTUNITY. ALL RIGHT, LET ME SEE IF I GOT
THIS RIGHT. HE GOT HIT IN THE EYE WITH A
FLAG. HE LOST HIS VISION IN HIS EYE
AND HE’S SUING THE LEAGUE FOR $400 MILLION. HE’S NOT GOING TO SEE HALF OF
IT. [LAUGHTER] FOR REAL. HOW DO I GET THAT QUICK UNDER
THAT KIND OF PRESSURE? I WAS PRACTICING. I’VE BEEN PRACTICING SINCE I WAS
A CHILD IN THE FORM OF SOMEONE WHO COULDN’T READ FEELING LIKE I
WAS DEALT A BAD HAND AND THE DEVIL SAYING YOU CAN’T DO THIS,
YOU CAN’T DO THAT. I WAS PRACTICING AND NOW I’M
READY FOR THAT MOMENT. NOW I’M HEADLINING, AND IT’S
COOL, AND I’M HEADLINING AT THE CLUB. I GET ON THE STAGE AND GOD GAVE
ME A CHANGE OF MINDSET. WHAT IS A MINDSET, A FIXED
MENTAL ATTITUDE TO PRE-DETERMINE THE RESPONSE AN INTERPRETATION
TO A SITUATION. LET ME SAY IT AGAIN. A MINDSET IS A FIXED MELLOW
ATTITUDE THAT PRE-DETERMINES A PERSON’S RESPONSE OR
INTERPRETATION TO A SITUATION. YOU’RE CUT OFF IN TRAFFIC, WE
ALREADY KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO BUST THEM OUT. IF THERE IS A SIGN THAT SAYS
THERE IS AN ACCIDENT HERE, YOU’RE MAD. A CHANGE OF MINDSET, YOU SEE
THERE IS AN ACCIDENT HERE YOU START TO PRAY BECAUSE THERE IS
AN ACCIDENT AHEAD. ROMANS 12:2, DO NOT BE CONFORMED
TO THE WAYS OF THE WORLD BUT BE TRANSFORMED TO THE RENEWING OF
YOUR MIND. GOD SAID GO UP THERE AND GIVE
THEM AN OPPORTUNITY TO LAUGH. IT CHANGED THEIR WHOLE GAME. NOW I’M NOT LOOKING TO TAKE BUT
I’M LOOKING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE. MY GIFT IS NO DIFFERENT THAN
ANYONE’S GIFT IN THIS ROOM, YOUR TONIGHT, YOUR SKILL. YOU HAVE TO NOT BE CONCERNED
ABOUT WHAT IS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE INVOICE BUT WITH WHAT ARE
YOU HEARING FROM THE INVOICE. ANY WAY. MY MINDSET IS CHANGED. WE’RE HAVING A GREAT TIME. PEOPLE ARE BUYING MERCHANDISE,
THEY’RE HAPPY. IT’S THE SAME SITUATION WHEN I’M
LEAVING A CLUB. BUT WHEN I’M LOOKING ACROSS THE
STREET I SEE A HOMELESS GUY. I HAD NEVER SEEN A HOMELESS GUY
OUTSIDE THE CLUB EVER. BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT HE
WASN’T THERE BEFORE. IT WAS BECAUSE MY MINDSET WAS TO
GET FROM PEOPLE. NOW GOD CHANGED MY MINDSET AND
NOW I’M GIVING PEOPLE AN OPPORTUNITY TO LAUGH. WE WERE DOING A SHOW AT THE SAN
DIEGO RESCUE MISSION AND ONE OF THE GUYS WAS THANK YOU FOR
THINKING ABOUT US. IT WASN’T MADE IDEA. THE BIBLE SAYS LASTER IS LIKE
MEDICINE. GOD SAID TO ME, YOU SHOULD TAKE
IT TO THE SICK. OH SNAP. HE’LL CHECK YOU SOME TIME WHEN
YOU’RE YEAH, I’M DOING STUFF. WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS? OKAY. SO I WALK OUTSIDE. I SEE THIS HOMELESS GUY, AND I’M
THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHAT ABOUT HIM. HOW CAN I GIVE HIM AN
OPPORTUNITY TO LAUGH. I ASKED GOD AND GOD SAID DO YOU
REALLY WANT TO KNOW? I’M LIKE, NOPE. YOU KNOW THERE IS GOING TO BE AN
ASSIGNMENT OR SOMETHING. THEN I SAID, YES. WE DID THIS COMEDY TOUR. WE MADE A MOVE CALLED “COMEDY
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.” THE FIRST PLACE WE WENT TO WAS
FORT WORTH, TEXAS. THERE IS A PLACE CALLED THE
SAMARITAN HOUSE WHERE EVERYONE HAS H.I.V. THERE IS A GUY JOHN, AND HE
DON’T TALK TO NOBODY. THEY TOLD ME HE DON’T TALK TO
NOBODY. WE DID THE SHOW AND HE CAME UP
TO ME AND HE STARTED TO MOVE HIS LIPS. HE SAID, UP UNTIL TONIGHT I
HADN’T LAUGHED IN 20 YEARS. I STARTED CRYING. YOU GOT ME CRYING, YOU BETTER
BACK UP. WE LEAVE THERE AND GO TO
COLORADO. THERE IS A PLACE THAT TAKES CARE
OF CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED BY PARENTS WHO ARE ON DRUGS. THERE IS A BOY WHO IS SO AFRAID
FROM HIS MOM. SHE HAD BEEN PULLING OUT HIS
TOENAILS. HE WOULD WEAR A SPIDER-MAN
COSTUME TO PROTECT HIMSELF. IT WAS EXPLAINED TO ME THAT HE
DOESN’T TAKE IT OFF. I HEAR HIS STORY AND ALL THE
OTHER KIDS’ STORIES. I DID JOKES FOR THEM. IF MY MIND IS TO GET LAUGHS FROM
PEOPLE, I’M COOL, THERE’S NO WAY I WOULD EVER DO THE SHOW. BUT NOW IT’S MY ASSIGNMENT TO DO
THE SHOW. SITTING UP IN FRONT, SPIDER-MAN
FULL COSTUME. HE HAS HIS BACK TO ME, AND HE’S
CLENCHING HIS GRANDMOTHER. 20 MINUTES INTO IT I HEAR
LAUGHING, AND I HEAR THIS LITTLE BOY SAY, MY NAME IS RONAN. HE STARTS TALKING TO ME FOR NINE
MINUTES LIKE I’M NOT DOING A COMEDY SHOW. HE STARTED TALKING ABOUT
SPIDER-MAN, AND HE SAID, I GOT A BELT. IT WAS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST
LAUGH OF THE NIGHT. LISTEN, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU IT
WAS NOT IN MY NOTES TO DO A JOKE WITH THE KIDS. IN A ROOM FULL OF ABUSED KIDS. THAT’S JUST NOT GOOD MATH. BUT GOD KNEW WHAT COMEDY NEEDED
TO BE DONE. THE ELEPHANT, SO TO SPEAK, HAD
TO LEAVE THE ROOM, AND WE HAD AN AMAZING TIME. WE WENT TO SKID ROW. A GUY SAID, I’VE BEEN ON CRACK
COCAINE, AND I WAS STABBED AND LEFT FOR DEAD. ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME LAUGH,
MICHAEL JR.? THANKS FOR THE PRESSURE. HE USES THE LEFT HAND TO KEEP
HIMSELF FROM FALLING OUT OF HIS CHAIR IN LAUGHTER. ALL I DID WAS SHOW HIM MY GIFT. IT’S NOT ANY DIFFERENT THAN
ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM. IF YOU’RE NOT FUNNY, GREAT, BUT
THERE IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO THAT SOMEBODY ELSE REALLY,
REALLY NEEDS. SO WE LEAVE THERE. WE GO TO A YOUTH PRISON. THE YOUTH PRISON WAS A LITTLE
HARD. THEY JUST WANT TO BANTER BACK
AND FORTH. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD GO GOOD WITH
THAT MUSCLE SHIRT? SOME MUSCLES. SO WE HAVE FUN. WE HAD A GREAT TIME. WE LEAVE THERE, AND WE GO TO
ADULT PRISON. THESE ARE GROWN MEN DOING REAL
TIME. I’M GOING THERE TO DO JOKES AND
LEAVE–HOPEFULLY. AS SOON AS I WALK IN, THE WARDEN
TAKES MY BELT FROM ME. HE SAID, YOU CAN’T HAVE A BELT. SOMEONE MIGHT TRY TO HANG YOU. CAN’T THEY JUST BOO? I GOT ANOTHER SHOW TO DO. DO THEY HAVE TO HANG ME? I’M SCARED, FOR REAL. THIS IS PRISON, AND MY PANTS ARE
LOOSE. I’M JUST SAYING, I GOT SEVEN
DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOOK AT THIS, MAN. I’M SCARED, MAN. I’M WALKING IN. I GOT NO JOKE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO
SAY. I HAD A JOKE BEFORE I GOT INTO
PRISON. YEAH, I’M GOING TO DO THIS ONE. NO, I DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT WHEN I
GOT IN THERE. I SAID, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE A
CAPTIVE AUDIENCE. I WANTED TO SAY THAT, BUT I
DIDN’T FEEL A PEACE IN MY SPIRIT WHEN I GOT IN THERE. MAYBE I SHOULDN’T DO THAT JOKE. IT’S NOT SAFE. I GOT NO JOKE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO
SAY. I WALK IN. I BARS OPEN IN FRONT OF ME,
CLOSE BEHIND ME. ALL THE PRISONERS HAVE ON
JUMPSUITS. I’M NOT SAYING NOTHING ABOUT
THOSE JUMPSUITS. I GOT NOTHING TO SAY. I WALK IN. THERE IS NO STAGE. THERE’S NO GLASS. WE’RE NOT DOING COMEDY ON THE
PHONE. THESE CATS ARE RIGHT HERE. I GOT FOG–I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M
GOING TO SAY. I GOT TWO STEPS LEFT. I STILL HAVE NO JOKE. THE LAST FOOT COMES DOWN, AND I
GOT TO BRING THE FUNNY OR I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO
HAPPEN. I SIT DOWN, AND FOR REAL THERE
IS A WHITE DUDE WITH A WHITE BEARD NAMED MOSES. I SAID, THANKS, LORD. WHEN I SAID THESE WORDS TO
MOSES, THE PLACE EXPLODED IN LAUGHTER, AND WE HAD AN AMAZING
TIME. I SAID, MOSES, WHEN YOU SEE THE
PRISON WARDEN, I WANT YOU TO LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND SAY, LET
MY PEOPLE GO. FOR REAL. FIRST OF ALL, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT
I WAS GOING TO SAY OR WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO UNTIL I GOT MY FEET
WHERE THEY NEEDED TO BE. ALSO, HOW DID I GET THAT AT THAT
MOMENT AT THAT TIME WITH THAT KIND OF PRESSURE? I WAS PRACTICING. EVEN WHEN I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS
PRACTICING, I WAS PRACTICING. GOD KNOWS THE PLANS HE HAS FOR
YOU. HE HAS PLANS TO PROSPER YOU. HE KNOWS–EVEN IF YOU DON’T SEE
IT, IN FACT, IF YOU DO SEE IT THOSE YOUR YOUR PLANS. IF YOU CAN’T SEE AT ALL, THAT’S
GOD’S PLANS BECAUSE IT WILL TAKE FAITH TO GET THERE. YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HEAR HIS
VOICE SO YOU KNOW WHICH CHOICE TO MAKE AND WHICH WAY TO GO. SO I’M GOING TO TELL THOUGH
STORY. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT WHAT IT’S
LIKE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST SO YOU CAN BETTER
HEAR THAT VOICE AND BETTER MAKE A CHOICE WHERE YOU’RE GOING TO
GO AND BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE PRACTICING FOR. THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM
RIGHT NOW, AND PEOPLE WATCHING RIGHT NOW AT OTHER LOCATIONS AND
ONLINE. YOU’RE IN THE GYM, YOU’RE
WORKING OUT. YOU’RE PRACTICING BUT WHAT ARE
YOU PRACTICING FOR. YOU WON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE
PRACTICING FOR UNTIL YOU CAN HEAR THE COACH’S VOICE. I JUST MADE THE COACH PART UP
RIGHT NOW. THAT’S COOL. YOU’RE PRACTICING SO YOU CAN
LIFT UP THE TROPHY. YOU GOT TO ASK FOR IT. THE BEST WAY TO HEAR THE VOICE,
THIS IS A STORY–I WAS UP ONE MORNING WRITING JOKES AT 5:00 IN
THE MORNING. I GOT FIVE KIDS. YOU GOT TO GET UP EARLY IF YOU
GOT FIVE KIDS. I WAS WRITING A YOKE ABOUT THE
GOOD ROOM, AND GOD SHOWED ME SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE OF
WRITING THIS JOKE. THE GOOD ROOM IS THAT ROOM IN
THE HOUSE. EVERYBODY HAS SEEN THIS ROOM. IT’S THE ROOM IN THE HOUSE THAT
IS BETTER THAN THE REST OF THE HOUSE. OKAY, NOBODY GOING THERE. THERE’S PLASTIC ON THE
FURNITURE. SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF
GO IN THE GOOD ROOM. THAT’S FOR SHOW. WE CAN AFFORD FOR THAT ROOM TO
LOOK GOOD. COME THIS WAY. IT WAS THE GOOD ROOM. I WAS WRITING A JOKE ABOUT IT
AND GOD STOPPED ME AND SAID, I WANT YOU TO TELL THIS STORY TO
MY PEOPLE. AND THAT’S WHAT I’M ABOUT TO DO. THIS MORNING I ASKED GOD WHAT HE
WANTED ME TO TELL YOU. HE TOLD ME HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW
THAT HE LOVES YOU. IMAGINE EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM,
EVERYBODY WATCHING RIGHT NOW, IMAGINE YOU’RE A HOUSE, AND
OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE IS JESUS CHRIST, AND HE WANTS TO COME IN. BUT HE’LL NEVER FORCE HIS WAY
IN. HE WANTS YOU TO INVITE HIM IN. THE REASON SOME PEOPLE WON’T
INVITE JESUS INTO THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE YOU’RE COOL WITH THE WAY
THINGS ARE RIGHT NOW. WHEN YOU NEED SOMETHING YOU WALK
UP TO THE DOOR, CRACK IT OPEN, SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY, CLOSE
THE DOOR, AND GO BACK IN THE HOUSE. BUT THAT’S NOT A RELATIONSHIP AT
ALL. THE REASON SOME PEOPLE WON’T
INVITE JESUS INTO THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE YOUR HOUSE IS A MESS. YOU THINK YOU GOT TO CLEAN IT UP
FIRST. HOW’S THAT WORKING OUT? YOU PROBABLY BROUGHT OTHER
THINGS INTO THE HOUSE, DRUGS, PORNOGRAPHY IN HOPES THAT IT
WOULD DISTRACT YOU FROM THE MESS, BUT IT’S MADE THE HOUSE
EVEN MESSIER. YOU PROBABLY INVITED OTHER
PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE HOPING THAT THEY COULD HELP YOU CLEAN IT UP,
BUT THEY CAN’T. THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CLEAN IT
UP IS STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR WEAR AN APRON WITH A BUCKET IN
HIS HAND WAITING ON YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR. THEN THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE
RIGHT NOW LISTENING TO MY VOICE WATCHING MY FACE RIGHT NOW WHO
USED TO HAVE JESUS IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE. BUT FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER
YOU TRIED TO EVICT HIM. YOU’VE MOVED HIM TO ONE ROOM IN
THE HOUSE, THE GOOD ROOM. HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW THE
GOOD ROOM ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE ROOM RIGHT UP FRONT WITH THE BIG
WINDOW SO PEOPLE WALK BY AND LOOK IN THE HOUSE AND SAY, WOW,
THAT HOUSE IS CLEAN. BUT THE REST OF THE HOUSE IS A
MESS. WOW, THAT PERSON REALLY HAS
JESUS. THEY GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. BUT JESUS DOESN’T REALLY HAVE
YOU. HE’S JUST GOT THAT ONE ROOM. SO WHAT I’M ABOUT TO DO RIGHT
NOW, I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN THE DOOR AND
LET HIM IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE. I GOT TO WARN YOU, WHEN YOU OPEN
THE DOOR HE MAY SHOW UP WITH THE CONTRACTOR NAMED THE HOLY SPIRIT
AND REMODEL THE WHOLE HOUSE. WHICH IS REALLY GOOD. SO CHECK IT. SO WHAT I’M GOING TO DO IS I
WANT EVERYONE IN HERE, ME AND MY BOY, EVERYBODY WATCHING ONLINE,
EAST COUNTY, NORTH COUNTY, I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO MY VOICE,
I WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND BOW YOUR HEAD. I THOUGHT IT WAS WEIRD IN
CHURCH. YO, THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO FOR MY
WALLET OR SOMETHING. THE REASON WHY THIS IS DONE IS
SO YOU COULD HAVE A PRIVATE MOMENT WITH YOU AND GOD AND NO
ONE ELSE LOOKING AROUND. CLOSE YOUR EYES AND BOW YOUR
HEAD AND LISTEN TO MY VOICE. IF YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO MAKE
THAT DECISION TO INVITE JESUS INTO YOUR HOUSE, INTO YOUR
ENTIRE HOUSE, I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE. I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR HAND IN
THE AIR. I DON’T WANT YOU TO EVEN THINK
ABOUT IT. JUST SHOOT YOUR HANDS IN THE
AIR. HANDS ARE ALREADY GOING UP, I
WANTED TO DO IT ON THE COUNT OF THREE, BUT OKAY, DO IT YOUR WAY. ON THE COUNT OF THREE PUT YOUR
HANDS IN THE AIR IF YOU ARE SAYING YES, I WANT TO INVITE
JESUS IN MY HOUSE. NICE AND HIGH. THERE IS A GRIP OF HANDS IN THE
AIR. A GRIP MEANS A LOT, I’LL
TRANSLATE. PRAISE GOD. THERE IS A SLEW OF HANDS ALL
OVER HERE. THAT IS SO COOL. I SEE YOUR HANDS. I SEE YOUR HANDS. I’M JUST GOING TO LIKE THIS
BECAUSE THERE IS A GRIP OF HANDS. PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN. THE BIBLE SAYS THIS, JESUS SAYS
THIS, HE SAYS IF YOU WILL TAKE THIS STAND FOR ME BEFORE MEN I
WILL STAND FOR YOU BEFORE MY FATHER IN HEAVEN. WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE ON THE
COUNT OF THREE. EVERYONE WHO RAISED THEIR HANDS
OR SHOULD HAVE RAISED THEIR HANDS. I WANT YOU TO DO ONE MORE THING. ON THE COUNT OF THREE I WANT YOU
TO STAND TO YOUR FEET AND MAKE YOUR WAY DOWN HERE. SO I CAN SHAKE YOUR HAND. SO WE CAN PRAY TOGETHER. LISTEN, WHEN DO YOU THIS SOME OF
YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO FEEL LIKE DOING IT BUT REBUKE THE
DEVIL RIGHT THERE. STAND TO YOUR FEET. MAKE YOUR WAY DOWN WHEN I COUNT
TO THREE. BECAUSE IF YOU CAN’T DO IT IN
HERE, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO DO IT OUT THERE. AND TO HELP WITH THAT WHEN YOU
STAND TO YOUR FEET EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM, THEY’RE GOING TO
APPLAUD LIKE CRAZY, BUT IT WILL NOT COMPARE TO THE APPLAUSE THAT
ANGELS IN HEAVEN WILL BE DOING WHEN YOU STAND TO YOUR FEET. ONE, TWO, THREE. STAND UP, COME DOWN. COME ON DOWN. COME ON DOWN. COME FORWARD, COME FORWARD, COME
FORWARD. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON. COME DOWN, COME DOWN, GOD BLESS
YOU, MAN. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GO, GO, GOD BLESS YOU. KEEP CLAPPING, KEEP CLAPPING,
KEEP CLAPPING. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. MAKE ROOM, MAKE ROOM. SQUEEZE IN. SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE IN. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. WOW, THIS IS SO AWESOME. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. BRING YOUR BIG HAND OVER HERE. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. SO NAP, THERE IS A SLEW OF
PEOPLE. THIS IS SO AWESOME. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO IN THE
BACK TO SHAKE HANDS, TOO. COME ON, I SEE YOU. THIS IS SO COOL. THIS IS NOT ME, IT’S JESUS. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. I GOT TO MOVE ON. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MAD. YOU’RE VIDEOTAPING, HEY. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. OKAY LISTEN, WE’RE GOING TO
PRAY. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. THIS IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. WE’RE GOING TO PRAY, TOMMY IS
GOING TO COME OUT HERE. HE’S GOING TO LEAD YOU TO A
ROOM–IT’S NOT CREEPY, THOUGH. IT’S NOT CREEPY. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SMALL TREE
WHEN IT’S PLANTED, AND IT HAS THE BARS NEXT TO IT AND THE
WIRE. YOU’RE LIKE A SMALL TREE. THOSE BARS REPRESENT OTHER
CHRISTIANS IN A GREAT CHURCH TO HELP YOU GROW. YOU’RE GOING TO GROW. THE QUESTION IS IF YOU’RE GOING
TO GROW BITTER, ANGRY OR UP TOWARDS GOD. GOD WANTS TO LEAD YOU AND THERE
IS A FABULOUS CHURCH IN THIS AREA THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO
CHECK OUT. IF YOU’RE NOT A MEMBER, THIS IS
A REALLY COOL CHURCH. ANYWAY, SO THERE IS GOING TO BE
MORE INSTRUCTIONS. I’M GOING TO JUMP DOWN AND HE’S
GOING TO TALK. JUST REPEAT AFTER ME. DEAR GOD–REPEAT AFTER ME. YOU MIGHT WANT TO SAY IT. DEAR GOD, THANK YOU FOR SENDING
YOUR SON, JESUS CHRIST, TO THIS EARTH TO DIE FOR ME. I BELIEVE IT AND I RECEIVE IT. COME INTO MY HOUSE, LORD. COME INTO MY HEART. IN JESUS’ NAME, AMEN. [APPLAUSE] AMEN, AMEN I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU, EVERYBODY HERE
WAIT UNTIL THEY GO BACK BEFORE YOU LEAVE. I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU UP FRONT
THIS IS A BIG DEAL. THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST, THAT
HE PAID THE PRICE FOR YOUR SIN. WAIT HERE. DON’T LEAVE. WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST, THE
PRICE HE PAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE PEACE WITH HIM. WHAT YOU’VE DONE HERE IS NOTHING
SHORT OF ETERNAL LIFE CHANGING. I APPRECIATE THE COURAGE IT
TAKES TO COME UP HERE. LET’S GIVE THEM A HAND. FOLLOW THEM. LET’S GIVE A HAND, ROCK CHURCH. AMEN, AMEN. RIGHT THAT WAY, AWESOME,

I accepted Christ after watching Michael jr I would like more info I also need to buy a bible and study materials. Thank you so much

wow that's great brother. Was that recently before you wrote this message? I would recommend the english standard version bible because it is a more up to date vocabulary with today's english. you don't even have to buy it because many apps have it for free. Olive tree bible software has it for free on ipad and ipod i think. Or your can go to the internet and search bible gateway. The book of John is a good start to read and then Romans. Also try to find a good congregation! Blessings!

I had the great privilege to meet Michael Jr. at the Door church in Tucson AZ, What a genuinely funny comedian. No passes for being a Christian… just intelligent and funny. AND… he ministers as well… His impromptu is spot on… real deal. 

Prayer = begging. Wake up. Quit being dumb.
Prayer is also mental masturbation. It makes the prayer feel good, but it doesn't NOTHING otherwise. Two hands, working, beat 200 hands praying, every time. 

This is your wake up call. Real men don't believe extraordinary claims without proof.
There is no proof of a god, much less the murderous attention-whore as described in the bible. Wake up, folks. Quit being lazy cowards. If I can get free, you can too!

Black folks especially should be stepping away from the bible.
The bible condones Slavery, the mutilation of infants' genitals and the oppression of women. How many more bad things must I list before you recognize the truth?

Only lazy cowards believe in a god.
Which one? There are thousands of 'god's.
You've somehow decided that Yahweh/Elohim/Jehovah is THE one.
It couldn't be because of where you were born, could it?
It couldn't be because someone who believed the lie told it to you, could it?

Out of those many thousands of 'gods', you've picked just the right one, huh?
That's false. That's a lie. You live in lies. 
Real men don't do that. They treat others the way they want to be treated.
That concept was around LONG before the bible showed up.

The bible is certainly no blueprint for how people should treat each other.
In the bible it's fine to beat or sell your child if it is disrespectful or disobedient.
In the bible it's perfectly okay to own other people. And you call yourself a good person?? Wake up. You've been severely lied to, by word, song and sermon.

I've been on both sides. I grew up in the church. I attended years and years of sunday school and church services. I sang in the choir…..and then I grew up. 😉
I still treat my neighbor with respect and concern.
The bible is a collection of lies designed to control you.
Get free…or at least begin to recognize how very brainwashed you've been.
That's a good step forward.

Religion comforts…and it cripples.

Laughter IS medicine. Enjoyed learning and laughing combination. Things we think are insignificant about us may just be our purpose. Feelin the part about the "good room" for my life. 

So, if God makes us all and we are made in His image, then think of how funny God himself must be! IT's a good thing we won't have to worry about peeing in our pants bc of laughter in heaven bc we'd all be wearing diapers!!! 

Sunday night, 13 April 2014: I like Michael Junior. He is the best since clean comedian actor, Sinbad.  My favorite is his "Random Thoughts". I wish that he would make up some new random thoughts. Michael, like Sinbad are proof that a comedy actor can be funny and Not curse, not use profanity. Let's Go Miami Heat to Win in 2014: nkd

Shout out to Dan below for sharing his hurt for God to heal. I'm praying for you, man.

This video is awesome and I can't even count how many times I've seen his same act but each time is hilarious, encouraging and uplifting. Bless God for Michael Jr. for his commitment, confidence in and boldness to do what God has called him to do.

I'm inspired to use the gifts God has given me and the random ways of seeing things He places in my mind, even though some people buck against my differences from them. He made each of us special for specific purposes and it is our job to give Him our all!

Nah! Still not laughing, what is the purpose of a comedian in the church? Niggas need to get real with God and stop trying to be God because you're not, you niggas trying to sound intelligent with humour, if you want to know the best comedian , His name is the Holy Spirit. Come on guys stop trying to force Gods Hand, he doesn't need your help. Idiots….

Dan lewis if you're trying to convince people to be quote on quote free you're doing a terrible job at least Christians don't use the disgusting language you are

great comedy routine. disappointing instructions for receiving the gospel. no one in the Bible became in Christ by bowing head, raising hand, coming down an aisle, saying a prayer. such a means is man's word not God's Word but it definitely is a great way to produce false converts.

waaaait did the introducer say " we have people ready to kill you." even in a joking manner that's not funny.

I attend the Rock church and love Miles and his staff but I have some disagreements:
#1 Tithing is an old testament tradition yet the Rock automatically deducts %10 from all pastors paychecks. We should donate by faith not by law.
#2 They practice faith healing on occasion for the audience which is an insult to God imo. Asking someone if their foot pain is gone is just using the power of suggestion. Bring in people who have a varifable condition and an x-ray machine if you really want to prove anything.
#3 They try to prove the bible by science and not faith. The Earth is not 6k years old. Dinosaurs died out 65 mya and there is no evidence the planet was destroyed by a flood.
I've brought these questions and many more to their pastors and all they say is "We don't allow debate." Overall it's a great church I just wish they would not try and back up the scriptures with modern day science because it just adds to the confusion.

People have to stop getting caught up in the technicalities of the Bible. The purpose of having faith is that it is "the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen" in other words you have to just believe. The problem is, we want it to make some type of "logical" sense. If its logical there would be no need for faith. God doesn't operate in human terms or as humans think. For example its not nearly as important to be able to explain the parting of the Red Sea as it is to understand the why behind the story. The more we try to make things logical or get hung up on the "rules and regulations", we become more Pharisee-like and less Christ-like which is what and how we're supposed to be, if you're a Christian. To make a long story short, God cares less about our opinion and more about our faith and belief. No where in the Bible does He say, you gotta have opinion, He does, however say, that it takes faith.

Michael is awesome. And to the detractors; remember Dr. "Patch" Adams, bringing laughter and joy to dying and hurting children? It's like that. And if you don't think God has a sense of humour; check the mirror. "A merry heart does good like a medicine." Your religion sucks!

Ohhh….and one more thing. At the wedding in Cana, Jesus turned water into wine because it was a celebration (you know….a fun time). He wasn't showing off; and I'm sure He was smiling and congratulatory. Maybe He even danced…..oooohh ahhhhh sacrilige! Mind you, the Book of Zephaniah does say He sings over us. Please leave your "thumbs down" down and get a life…..HIS LIFE!

BAM!! Great message Michael… I started sharing your videos with my young people at YouthNight! Keep on doing what your do… Love you brother.

May God Bless this young man and his talent that I am SURE brings others to Christ through his comedy. He shows us that Christians can be funny and love Christ! Love this man through Christ.

Michael, what was the word you used when you said ………under your breath ………… ridiculous? man.

I'm amazed that there are people who actually put a thumb down to someones testimony, I had to take a step backhand not get angry but pray for those who think this is not worthy of praise. Remember Disciples we are to walk or try and walk as Jesus did with that being said Michael Jr. thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through you and for those who put a thumbs down, Father forgive them for they know not what they do. God Bless you all

Youtube comments are full of amusements sometimes….
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/threelly-ai-for-youtube/dfohlnjmjiipcppekkbhbabjbnikkibo

I read that the gentleman who spoke first was from this Rock church which was founded by former NFL football player. I was shocked. I tend to think only average American citizens are capable of becoming Christians. I tend to think men and women in sports, acting, politics, singers, bands, comedians aren't capable of becoming Christians. I always think they're decadent and foul mouth. Good thing God isn't prejudice.

I needed to add the end wad do revealing of how we, as Christians, can become like that room in the home where no one's allowed to go because it's all for show. Awesome.

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