Morally wrong to keep money from parents?

Morally wrong to keep money from parents?
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Nataly starts off this hour Buffalo New York hi Natalie how are you hi Dave how are you better than I deserve what's up with you alright why I have a I have a CD that I've had under guardianship since I was a minor I'd like to go ahead and remove that guardianship so I can cash out that PD and pay off some debt my dilemma is um since it's a guardianship both my parents names are on the CD account and unfortunately both my parents are substance abusers and I would really not like to do this with them because I'm afraid they'll ask me for money so my dilemma is I'd like to know is if it's morally okay to go around them through the courts and get this money without them okay so they have a guardianship over you because it was open for you when you were a minor yes it was a result of a lawsuit a personal injury I was injured when I was little are you sure how old are you now I'm 28 are you sure that that wasn't revoked upon you becoming a becoming an adult well when I get my statements it still has it on my statements have you attempted to go to the bank and just cash it out yes and they told me they won't do anything because the Guardian is still on there I see okay so did we did not dissolve because a normal account would be a custodian account and that would dissolve when you turn 21 the custodianship would automatically go away in most cases not not all the time but in most cases all right so so you would rather go through a court action than sit and talk to them yes because um I just thought I love them but I don't have any faith in them that you know that they'll do the right thing if I were to offer them you know I don't have any faith in them it's you this amount oh yeah I know cause you just got a look at them and form the words it's a it's a short word it sounds like this no I know I agree that's on you yeah so the word know is going to cost you five to $10,000 and a bunch of hurt feelings yeah I would say the word know mm-hmm I would sit down where they will say this is my money it's in my name and we need to have you room I need to have you sign these two pieces of paper releasing it to me can we have some of it no okay well we're not going to sign the papers you are going to sign the papers or I'm going to take you to the court and I don't want to do that but this is not your money it was my money was set aside for me and no you can't have any okay I wouldn't spend five or ten thousand dollars to avoid that three sentence of confrontation great well see I I I called the court and asked them and as far as I know all I have to do is pay that it's like a $75 fee and I have to tell them why I don't want my parents with all this I don't know if there's any more legal fees than that but okay look that's all you got to do that's fine but you know what I thought what I thought I was hearing was that you had to change your ownership on an account and it was going to have to go you know and you're going to have to hire an attorney everything else if you can pay 75 bucks walk before the judge the judge hands it to you and you want to do that that's fine I don't any issue with that for $75 I probably would pay that to avoid the crap you're talking about but but I wouldn't pay five or ten thousand dollars to do that yeah now what are you going to do when they call you after they hear about this sometime oh I'm going to tell them no well they make it know them they make it notification by the court right I I believe so I'm not entirely sure how that so not really going to avoid the conflict or completely are we no yeah so you got to get ready okay I get the little steel install some steel in your backbone that's exactly what I need to do yeah and let me let me help you with that for a second okay okay you grew up in a family that had substance abuse okay so you're the child of an alcoholic the child of a substance abuser which by nature to the extent you've done some healing and some learning about that you may have overcome it but by nature you've been in a codependent role and that's what's pulling at you here okay and codependent just means that we're enabling people to do things that we shouldn't allow them to we're giving a drunk a drink in other words and when you give these people money that's what you'd be doing correct correct absolutely enablers are the nicest sweetest conflicting conflict avoiding people you will ever meet you're a nice person right yes what you have to do is you have to redefine the word help because when if you have a tendency to want to cave and give them money that would be called enabling and and that means you've given that you forget you've defined the word help incorrectly because you feel like you're helping them by giving them some money you're not helping them you're actually harming them because you're financing their misbehavior right and so by saying no you are actually helping and if you can get that I that truth down in your spirit it helps you to say no and the way it helped me was like this lets you have you got kids record you okay let's pretend your three-year-old wants to play in the middle of the street we're busy cars are going up and down busy street and they don't like it when you say no but you're actually helping them against their will but you're actually helping them to not misbehave and bring harm to themselves by saying no and that's the same thing as your parents they want to play in the street and you're saying no and to say yes would be unloving mmm-hmm to allow your three-year-old to play in the street and get killed by a car what kind of mom would do that right right and you kind of start thinking about it in those terms you go well what kind of a daughter would I be if I helped you drink yourself into the ditch or help you do whatever substance you're going to do I'm going to finance that I'm not that kind of daughter I'm a daughter that loves their parents and you kind of get this thing inside of you and you equate it to playing in the street that helped me to kind of get my head around some of these behaviors because I've seen people with it for so long and I deal with it to nobody nobody is an exception we all want to be nice to people and we all want to avoid we don't want to just stir up trouble there's a few people in a store of trouble but most don't you know right and so you got to kind of get yourself ready for this discussion because it's coming anyway regardless of which method you use and I'll send you a book called boundaries have you ever read that book I hope not ah oh you're gonna love it okay it's you're gonna read it you're gonna go oh crap I know that guy you know it's just you're gonna be blown away you're going to love this book it's one of my favorite top ten books of all times dr. Henry cloud boundaries I'll give it to y'all have Kelly pick up and we'll send you a copy of it you got a reading you got to read it before your parents call because as soon as you do you'll have a whole different view on how to handle them and it's not unloving to say no to a three-year-old who wants to play in the street as a matter of fact it is the opposite it is an act of love to not participate with someone in their own destruction and you really have to kind of get that in your head because that's tough love no it's just love it's not tough love it's just real love tough love don't let your three-year-old play in the street no it's not it's love this is the Dave Ramsey show you

Money isn't everything. Embrace freedom and move on with your own live. Sure, it will hurt to give up the money, but make your own life and leave them to their own devices.

Oof… If my kid wanted her money and wouldn't give me any, that wouldn't be a big deal. But if my kid went to the courts to avoid asking me to do what is right… And I found out from the courts, not from her… THAT would put a dent in our relationship!

It sounds like the money was always intended for her when she got it, and the parents were only on it to take care of it for her since she was a child at the time. So ethically, zero issue whatsoever. It's her money, 100%, and they have no right to any of it (in fact it would be unethical for them to try to get any of it). So her question isn't really an ethical question. It's more of a practical and relationship question.

If they have drug problems be careful. They could open their mouth to the wrong person. Be concerned about your own safety.

I have the same CD account thing, its a conservatorship. the money is completely hers not her parents, I guess you do have to tell them your getting the court order removed since you have come of age

Shout out to all the millennials who are here because our parents didn’t teach us about finances! Ugh times have changed way to much from generation to generation

I wonder if She is telling the whole story, I wonder if She borrowed money from Them and said She would pay Them back when She cashed it out?

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