Hostel Games Part 1 | TSP’s Bade Chote | Sacred Games Spoof
- By : Oliver Santos
- Category : Articles, Blog
- Tags: Abhinav Anand, and, Arun Kushwah, bade chote, Bhagwan, Chote Miyan, Comedy, Drinking, gaitonde, gang, hostel, Hostel Games, Hostel Games Part 1 | TSP's Bade Chote | Sacred Games Spoof, Jasmeet Singh Bhatia, kenya, nawaz, Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Party, sacred games, sacred games spoof, Scotch, sketch, spoof, the, the screen patti, theviralfever, TSP, Vishwasghaat, You
Hey! Get up. Eat it. Eat. Don’t know where was I? Who brought me here? And for what reason? Who are you all? She’s Yadav Tai.
The warden of this hostel. And I’m Trivedi. Her right-hand person. Which place is this?
Why have you kept me here? This is Kenya hostel, Ganesh. Very close to our hostel. Guru Ji has said to keep you here. Motherfucker! Am I a chair that
you’ll keep wherever you want. And is this the way you say good morning? He hit me so hard that I woke up. Ganesh, It’s 9 0’clock in the night.
Not morning. He’s still in hangover. Get him out of his hangover. Last night the nuisanse that
you created in girl’s hostel, After that Dean Parulkar
threw you out from the hostel. Since then you are here. Listen, warden!
I’m not going to eat this tasteless food. I want chicken. You’ll get everything. But do me a favor. What? Wait for the right time. C’mon! Let’s go. Hey, I’m not going to wait for the
right time and eat this tasteless food. I want chicken.
Hey, warden! Listen. Atleast give me cottage cheese,
I’ll eat it as chicken. Motherfuc… Stop. Motherfuckers! Do I look like 35? I’m bald head doesn’t mean I’m 35.
I’m 26. Do you understand. I’m bloody asshole that I’m born. These people hit me so badly. They broke my butt.
I’m not able to sit, Issa Deol brother. Did Subhadra wish you? No. Strange! She wish everyone in the hostel. She herself reminded me on
call as I had forgotten. Motherfucker! I Don’t know
what problem she has with me. Why does she behave
wierdly with me? Why don’t you go and tell
her that you like her? Go to girls hostel and say it. After all it’s your birthday.
She will not refuse. Do you know what’s the time? If you have the guts sit
with me. Now drink. Brother Issa Deol, I’ll go and tell her. I’m not one father’s child.
I’ve three fathers. You just wait and watch. Come out from the hostel, Subhadra. I love you Subhadra! Hello? Parulkar sir. Happy Birthday Gaitonde! Where are you going? Nowhere. I want to go inside. My soulmate stays here. Okay. You want to go inside? Come. Wow! Parulkar sir. Now go. Issa Deol and Subhadra were already in
a relationship and made a fool of me. I came to know this when I was thrown
out from the hostel like a garbage. I really didn’t know what to do. I just want to screw them. Hey, brother! Talk softly.
I’m talking to with my girl I swear on you, I’ll eat the whole food. Guys in relationship did not have
any problem with the hostel food. Because they eat food with
their d*** not with their mouth. I just wanted to get out
from this shit hostel, and wanted to screw Issa. What happened Megha? Why did you call me in the
library on such late-night? What do you think? Such late-night,
in the library where there’s no one. What can we do? There’s lot of things we can do, Megha. But you don’t focus on your studies. Within 15 minutes you get
tired and you go to sleep. Sartaj, you’re overreacting. Megha, I’ve got periods. First finance then economics
and then extra class of sales. It’s hard. Caught you! What are you guys doing here
such late-night in the library? Nothing sir. We’re just studying. What? But you said that couples
don’t study at night? Shit! How can I fall in love with a liar. Thought so. By the way what happened to your finger? Nothing sir. Actually a teacher asked for fees, so when I went to the hostel to take money, I slammed my thumb in the door. It’s very common.
One out of three people have it. If you open anything except for the books, then I’ll call your mother. No sir. I’ll never meet
him again after this. Megha, relax. Don’t take his words so seriously. And even if it were,
at least he could take a photo of us. – C’mon, cheer up!
– Into the camera. Yeah. Got it. See. It’s all cool. From today, don’t show me
your face, Sartaj. What? Megha? Megha, now who’s overreacting? Hey, C’mon! – Hello?
– Hello. How are you Sartaj sir? I think you’re totally screwed. How do you know? You’re not even around here. Actually your voice is enough for
me, Sardaarji And what happened to your thumb? Yesterday few boys were
playing cricket in the park. and the ball was coming towards me So the fielder climbed on my thumb finger. Let’s leave all this. You tell me why did you call? Sardarji, your love story turns
out to be shit as season 2. Today you had a break up, right? Tomorrow the entire hostel
will go through a break up. Go and save your hostel. You’ve 25 hours. Consider it 26 hours. I can’t talk much, I’m on international
roaming as I’m in Budapest. Hi, Megha. Why did you call me? I’m sorry Megha. I couldn’t understand you
due to exam stress. Can we try again, Megha? I even bought books for studying. You know what Sartaj? You’re college topper. But you’re zero in sex education. I’ve sent you romantic messages
and said that I want a D – You asked me to stand in the sun.
– Of course Megha. You get vitamin D from sunlight. You can take as much as you want. You know what Sartaj? You’re a C. Of course carbon. All of us are. No. You’re ‘chutiya.’ Wow! Now you’ve started giving me bad words. – What’s you’re problem, Megha?
– You’re my problem, Sartaj. You’re childish
nature is my problem. I can’t stay with a child. 25 year old young man… …is not a child, Megha. What are you doing? What are you doing, Megha? – Megha.
– No. – Megha.
– Let me show you. Megha, let it be. 25 year old youn man
doesn’t lick his thumb. Megha. Megha. Yadav tai,
I don’t want to stay in this hostel. I want to go back to my own hostel. Listen, child. I gave you the house to stay. Gave walls to stare. Gave a door to exit. It’s all because of me. Otherwise you don’t even fit for it.
Got it? We’ll talk once you recieve
money from your house. Got it? Bloody asshole! I just want to break Issa
Deol’s relationship. That’s it. I’ll do it. But before that you have to
breakup Preeti’s relationship. Who’s Preeti? Should I say everything? Preeti is the topper of their hostel. Ever since Preeti and
Shahid came into relationship, Preeti got screwed in studies. How to get it done? Throw a big party in the hostel. Invite Shahid to that party. And as soon as both meet,
click a picture and send it to me. And the dick heads that
are there in your hostel, why will they attend my party?
Nobody knows me here. Go and meet Purushottam.
Everybody knows him. You’re very clever. Purushottam was a Gujju guy of this hostel. And you know the weaknesses of the
Gujju’s, right Sardar Ji? Liquor and Business Okay. I’ll send it. Hey, Puroshottam brother. I want to throw the biggest hostel party. You know everyone in this hostel.
You invite all of them. I’ll call everyone in the party. I’ll also feed them with snacks. I’ll even wear anklet
bells and dance too. But you tell me one thing, why? Think with your mind instead of liver once. In the party, the liquor will be
mine but whose snacks will be sold? Brother Gaitonde, Start the preparations for party. I killed it with Netflix entry. But the moment I entered,
it was a doordarshan show. Because all the couples had already
started partying in different corners. And I was all alone in my own party. Brother Gaitonde! I brought good snacks
but where’s the liquor? Nobody is purchasing snacks
because there’s no liquor. Purushottam brother, I do not ignore any
Gujarati request for Dandiya and Liquor. No matter what,
I’ll bring it from the moon. Do it then, brother. Jojo, I want four bottles of Scotch. Do the hostel guys have
status to drink scotch? Till yesterday they were having
black tea by dipping Parle-G into it. Today those guys will dip
Parle-G biscuit into scotch. I’ve no rules mentality. Now send me four bottles
of William Lawson’s. I can sue you from the hostel.
Aren’t you scared? I’m not scared. I’ve tried four times. What’s there to try? Put a rope in the fan and hang yourself. When your fan breaks, the warden
herself will leave you till the gate. I’ve ac in my room. Anyways, Tell me where I’ve to send liquor? Kenya hostel. Okay. Chotu will come with liquor. He’ll make drinks and take
empty bottles with him. He’ll come, he’ll make and
take the empty bottles as well. What should I do?
Jerk off? No. He’ll only shake. The drinks. He’s a bartender, idiot. Do one thing, you also come with me. It’s boys party. What will I do? There is no such rule that
girls cannot attend guys party. You know that it’s a no rule party. Girls hostel closes at 8pm, Gaitonde. You enjoy. I’ll send liquors. Who’s Ganesh Gaitonde? Now that’s a party. Drink it like a thirsty crow. Gaitonde brother, amazing life. Brother Purushottam, I kept my promise but
you didn’t invite everyone in your party. Whom do you want me to call?
Reena, Sheena, Kareena… I know everyone’s boy friend. Call Preeti’s boy friend, Shahid Kapoor. Shahid Kapoor? Where are you? Here party is going on.
Everybody’s here. Come and join us. We’ve snacks, liquors and everything. Don’t worry. – Brother Purushottam?
– Yes. Where’s Shahid Kapoor? Shahid and Preeti’s break up
was the biggest mistake in life. Because in the next part, Shahid
Kapoor was going to become Kabir Singh. Yadav tai, I’ve sent you a photograph. It’s nice. You’ve awesome camera. I broke Sahid Kapoor’s relationship. Finish. Awesome. Reallly awesome. Now tell me how to break
Issa’s relationship? Who’s Issa? We had a deal… Tell her. Wha… Oh! Issa. Right. Yes. Got it. Yesterday he shifted in Subhadra’s flat. Live in. I can’t help. You cheated on me. You fooled me. I’ll screw you guys. Issa, bloody asshole! Motherfuc… You cheated on me. Just wait and watch. What happened Ganesh? You’re asking me what happened? All happened in front of you, right? Are you blind?
You’re eyes have got fractured or what? You want an action replay over here? Bloody! Subhadra left me and
threw me out from the hostel. It’s like as if I got
stuck in red zone. Don’t know what should I do now. What do you do when you
get stuck in any game? I uninstall it and start watching porn. But you can’t uninstall this game, Ganesh. This is Hostel Games. Here you’ve to take a hint. That too from a person. No no…From God. You believe in God, right? Some calls him Guru Ji. And some Ryan Gosling. Trivedi said that you’ll
get a broiler chicken, high speed wifi for watching shows… …and clean commode to shit. What else a hosteler would
ask more than this, Sartaj Ji. I got sold. [Person singing song] Sartaj sir, sing at least with a rhyme. You won’t understand my feelings. You can date four girls at a time, Maajid. God forgive me! I’m a one woman man. I love my girl friend a lot, Sartaj. And if God wants… …then one day I’ll definitely marry her. So cute. Even I wanted to do the
same thing with Megha. But she blocked me from everywhere. I can’t even see her face, Maajid. Sartaj, don’t be sad. Megha bhabhi must be
crying remembering you. You can see her through my account.
Go ahead. Thanks a lot Maajid. What happened? Is she crying a lot? Which place is this? It looks like a guru’s ashram. I’m going there. But you don’t even know the
location, Sartaj. I’ll find it. I’m good with directions. But Sartaj, exit is this way. Thank you. Reaching the ashram, came to know
that this game is much bigger than all these hostlers, you, me,
even from the five days of test match. Time is wasted when you’re in relationship. For sex, you need one minute. And 30 seconds if the ac is too cold. But for preparation, you spend
years and years and years and years. But if you’re single, then no need for preparation. You only need one minute. And 30 seconds if the ac is too cold. Time is infinite in a single life. Guru Ji talks about time saving but
he himself used to speak slowly. Hostel life is divided in two yugs. Set yug and call yug. Set yug is where girls are not set, but boys are always set. And call yug which is going on. Set yug ended because
human started having sex. Why human started having sex? ‘Tharak’ (jerk). Someone said ‘Tharak’ Get lost. Just leave. Humans started having sex
because porn became too boring. Too boring. Primal human was bored by seeing
the paintings made in caves. So he started having sex. For one minute. And 30 seconds, if the winter has arrived. Guru Ji said that don’t depend
on people and porn for orgasm. If I want to go back from call yug to
set yug, then the entire hostel has to… … give sacrifice.‘Samuhik Mukti Bandhan’Mass break up. Aham Orgasmi! Aham Orgasmi! Aham Orgasmi! Aham Orgasmi!